Moving, Breathing, Learning, Living

watermelon brains

2012-02-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think that I stopped letting myself get enough sleep because subconsciously I didn't want to deal with the disturbing dreams I'd have if I'd let myself get enough sleep. Last night I dreamt I was at my parents' house. It kept switching between being inside and outside, but I think mostly it was outside because there was some flying going on. Asshead, my very first "boyfriend"

friend end, part 2

2012-02-04T16:19:00.000-08:00

I ignored her for about a month. I figured I owed her an explanation if I'm going to just stop being friends with her so she at least knows. I don't really know what I want to say to her so basically I'm just keeping my distance at this point until it's clear what I want to do with the remaining friendship I have left with her, if any at all. I unblocked her from IM so she IM'd me and we spoke

complexes are so complex, man

2012-02-03T00:50:00.000-08:00

This (cute) outgoing guy from work added me on LinkedIn tonight. We've only ever talked two times, once at a happy hour and another time when he invited me to go to another happy hour, which I had to decline, but he wrote me a note after I accepted his add that kind of made me wonder. He basically was letting me know that he was let go and that he wanted to message me before I forgot who he was.

P.S.

2012-01-19T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm in a book club now with mid-to-late 20-something girls/women at work. I READ now. Oh my effing gee. <3

Mayor Baby or Baby Mayor

2012-01-19T22:27:00.000-08:00

My friend and I are going to this concert in the summer and it turns out this band called Mayer Hawthorne is also on the bill. A former bf (from the entry where he IM'd me and called me baby and I ran away from the IM lol) is working and possibly traveling with that group as one of his recent gigs so I may end up running into him. I'm not sure I know what I'd do if that happened. I have a history

dream log

2012-01-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream that I was at some type of festival. There were tons of booths and, for some odd reason, classrooms. I walked into one of the classroom and there was this man who I can only remember as being Simon Cowell-esque. I think he was a teacher from my past with whom I'd had a love/hate relationship. I remember he was extra hard on me but I was one of his favorites (kind of like

favors for friends

2011-12-29T05:07:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I'm breaking up with the person I've considered to be my best friend for the past 13 years. We've been growing apart, and as I've gotten older, I've realized the things that used to annoy me about her aren't really things that I want to deal with anymore. She can be moody, very bossy, and at times condescending like she's the adult and knows best. Mostly everyone I've told about

Oh, thick skin, where did you go?

2011-09-29T20:11:00.001-07:00

Running off somewhere to hide from the blows.

Don't call me baby

2011-07-11T23:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening, the same guy who broke my heart into more pieces than I'd like to count and then didn't speak to me for about two years, IM'd me. Every so often he'd Like links I'd posted on Facebook, but other than that, no phone calls, no emails, texts, or any kind of communication, which is something with which I was COMPLETELY satisfied. In fact, I encouraged the lack of communication. I

28

2011-06-07T20:45:00.001-07:00

I haz it. (almost)

If you don't have anything nice to say...make something up?

2011-03-11T23:23:00.000-08:00

Today I got a friend request from a girl I went to school with back in the day. I was in one class with her and really liked her, but I was shy so I never tried to be her friend outside of class. I was kind of excited that she'd sent me a request after all these years, but then I saw she had another reason for friending me--her mother was my grade school teacher and she was trying to get former

2011-02-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

Within the span of a week, my uncle and sweet little Angel have passed. My uncle is no longer handicapped and my birdy baby is flying with a flock of new friends. I'm not sure I believe in a heaven for myself, but I sure as hell believe in one for everyone I love. The thing I can't get out of my mind is that during the Mass for my uncle, the priest mentioned that my aunt had baptized him on his

Well, that didn't work

2011-01-29T01:33:00.000-08:00

The agent gave me the lease for the place I wanted and line #35 was a warning about hazardous materials being on the premises. When I asked what they were or where these materials were, he said he'd ask the owner, but basically my answer was, "They are not required by law to disclose that information." Then the pet agreement I had to sign basically said I would have to get a $1mil insurance

Found a place

2011-01-15T09:23:00.000-08:00

So I have accepted this apartment I found on CL--have NOT signed the paperwork yet though. It's very spacious for San Francisco and only $2 a month more than what I'm paying now. The only thing that I'm kind of worrying about right now is that the windows are blurred. It's a ground floor apartment so for security the windows are bubbly. Basically, I can't see out the windows, but light comes

"The Lord works in mysterious ways"

2011-01-09T23:39:00.000-08:00

My nana always says that quote in my title. Everything happens for a reason. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, given the stuff that's been going on. Firstly, my sweet little baby is still having difficulties so I drove her back home to see the vet she used to see when I lived with my parents. He's much friendlier than the vets here in SF and more open minded about what could be wrong

2010-12-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

One of my sweet birds is sick and hospitalized right now. I've had her for 14 years and I love her so much. She's beautiful, has a pretty voice, is cute, sweet, silly, funny, all the wonderful things you could hope to have in a pet. Unfortunately she's going into seizures and the vets don't know what the cause is. They did blood work and x-rays and took cultures. The blood work came up normal and

Sometimes you feel like a butt, sometimes you don't.

2010-12-20T21:21:00.000-08:00

A rather smelly fellow boarded the bus today, and without hesitating, let me know exactly where in my body he'd like to stick it. According to his incoherent rant, "Sometimes bitches need it up the asshole." I think he and I will have to agree to disagree about this one. I <3 the city.

I now have rain boots

2010-12-10T12:36:00.000-08:00

Now to find the puddles.

ARG, LLC

2010-12-10T01:02:00.000-08:00

Let me first start off by saying I love my job. The people I work with are great and the job itself is fun. The main thing that causes me the most grief at work is the studio situation. To do my job, I need access to a studio so I can edit media, record audio, produce live events, etc. The studio I use is shared with a few companies and therein lies the problem. We're supposed to officially

Burlesque

2010-11-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

You know you have a good boyfriend when he agrees (after minimal pleading) to see a movie with you that stars both Cher and Christina Aguilera. Can't wait to see Christina sing!

health and deficiencies

2010-11-17T22:06:00.000-08:00

Hi. I found out today that I'm deficient in vitamin D. I only have a vague idea of how to read the diagnostics sheet my doctor gave me, but I'm about half of the lower side of the range for vitamin D. As my doctor said, my vitamin D levels are "in the shitter." I read a statistic online saying 85% of people are deficient in D. (Whether the stat is accurate or not is another story.) My doctor

O hai!

2010-11-01T00:22:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'll be writing here some more soon. 'Cause I ain't so depressed like I've been lately. Need to de-rut myself and get my songs going again. Practice makes perfect. Tell me how you've been if you're here. :)

Dreams about the Lion

2010-03-18T23:45:00.000-07:00

The Lion is my former boyfriend. The one who moved to LA without telling me, constantly ditched me, refused to talk to me on the phone because he said he didn't like our conversations, was meeting other girls on dating sites while we were dating (Lord only knows what he was doing with them), etc etc etc. Today I saw that the band he's running sound for is coming to play a show in my city. I

datey face

2010-03-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

So I'm dating a friend. This is new to me, but I probably should've been doing this instead of just dating dudes till I realized they weren't my friends. Right? He's so incredibly sweet and makes me laugh and he's a smarty pants, too. :-) I'll have to tell you more later. I miss yous!<3P.S. I must say that I love how he and I can just lay there all tangled up limbwise and just talk. And he LIKES

Date inventory

2009-10-27T14:39:00.001-07:00

Sore nipple, two hickeys and a bruised crotch. Never had a date end quite like this before.

New singing video

2009-08-02T23:31:00.001-07:00

I've been too busy and unmotivated to share my dating disaster stories right now (I really just want to stop thinking about dating altogether if I can). So instead, here's a video of me playing my new ukulele. :-)

Marry Me

2009-07-14T22:05:00.001-07:00

Hi lovey dovies, It's too hot in Oakland to write anything of substance. However, I did record a video of myself being musical. If you'd like to see it, it's here. Good night, MMC

Kind of breakthrough

2009-07-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm in a singing group. I mentioned this before, right? So we sang last week--four sets at various classy retirement homes in San Francisco. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt at ease singing for people. In fact, I really enjoyed it. I've never been able to fully grasp the "singing for others can be a gift to them" concept, but I understood it a little more when I saw the looks

Men are scum.

2009-07-04T15:11:00.001-07:00

I haven't written here for a very long time, and it kind of makes me sad. These past few months I've been incredibly busy and feely and trying to be as bold as I can be in the dating scene. I feel like social stuff is something I've needed to focus on. Sometimes I'm in my own world about how people act and think. I guess I've expected everyone to behave civilly toward each other, but I've

Here it goes again

2009-04-10T00:26:00.001-07:00

Just when I thought I was done feeling anything for him, he instant messaged me. The first time I saw the message too late and he'd already gone offline. The second time I saw it, but didn't want to see what he'd typed so I opened a bazillion new (empty) tabs in Firefox to push the Gmail chat out of my sight. These are the ridiculous things I do when I don't want to do something or don't know

Speechlessness

2009-03-30T01:04:00.000-07:00

I played an original song for my voice teacher during my Saturday lesson. It took me a while before I wanted to do it or even felt comfortable thinking about doing it, but I finally forced myself to go through with it. I was a little nervous and ended up skipping a verse, but by the end of the song I looked up from the keyboard and his eyes were watering. I thought it might have been allergies or

Duality = Danger

2009-03-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

I read through my paper journal this evening. "Duality = Danger" was in an entry from several years ago. Apparently the creepy stalker/sexual harasser man had sent my best friend a Friendster note all those years ago with "Duality = Danger" as the subject line. I'm pretty sure it was in reference to my being a Gemini. He knew there was gonna be trouble. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that

God damn.

2009-03-09T23:41:00.001-07:00

Our house was robbed this afternoon. They took my PC laptop, guitar, and my digital camera(s). One roommate's laptop and her really expensive digital camera was gone and the other's got her cell phone stolen.I'm so tired.

Cutting

2009-03-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

Seeing as how Brians are no good and Ryans cause grief beyond belief, should I even bother with a Bryan? If it's a combination of the two names would that make it two times worse or would they cancel each other out? I'm only asking because I have a girlie pseudo crush on the lead singer from my new favorite band, whose name happens to be Bryan. He reached out and caressed my hair and face during

I can't take it anymore!

2009-03-03T01:12:00.000-08:00

I FUCKING LOVE THIS WOMAN! I WAS THERE TO SEE THIS EXACT PERFORMANCE ON FRIDAY NIGHT. FUCKING PERFECT!During "Marry Me," she looked directly at me (I was pretty close to the front) and she held eye contact. I just kept smiling and smiling and smiling.

Out of everything, especially it.

2009-03-02T01:38:00.000-08:00

I just saw that my last post had been on February 16th and my immediate thought was, "Oh, I posted something tonight?" Seriously, I don't know what's going on anymore. I've been racing around this month picking up best friends from airports, dropping them off, picking them back up, going to SF every single night this week, having house guests for multiple days overlapping each other. Man. I

Simple joys

2009-02-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

I've forgotten how much pleasure I get out of singing. These past few months I've been singing as a way to escape, but Saturday afternoon marked my journey into joy. I had my first voice lesson and it was inspiring. The teacher is a man in his late thirties who has a calm, cool seriousness, though not the kind of seriousness I fear. Every so often he flashes a smile that almost makes him look

Also, my car was broken into

2009-02-19T01:04:00.000-08:00

One doesn't look at my car and think, "Now that's a mark of wealth right there." It's obviously older than I am with fading beige paint, and a style reminiscent of the 80s. I don't know what they were thinking when they smashed the back window and broke into my car. There was nothing to take--I've got a cassette player in there for Christ's sake! That should have tipped them off right there. I

"Your dream of growth can be a reality."

2009-02-19T00:57:00.000-08:00

I had just gotten off the phone with a dear friend after having a very inspirational and motivating conversation. When I saw that quote in the subject line of an email I felt even more uplifted and almost opened it.And then I realized I was in my spam folder.Funny thing, perspective.

Looking for love in a parked car

2009-02-08T17:17:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream where I opened the trunk of my car and stuck a check in a clutch wallet, which was supposed to be an ATM, and an unbelievable amount of money came out. I think I was trying to withdraw some money from my account and $100,000 bills started shooting out of it. (Never mind that US dollars don't come in bills worth that much...) I was really surprised that I suddenly had all

I feel incredibly silly.

2009-02-04T01:29:00.000-08:00

I'm just a silly girl is all.In an interesting turn of events, my best friend in Korea is coming to visit me. I am not the kind of friend who would make her stay at a hostel like she suggested. I don't think I ever told the Korea story in its entirety just because of the sensitivity of the situation. Long story short: the trip I took there was emotional and hostile. The trip she will make out

791

2009-01-14T01:51:00.000-08:00

Today at work I logged into my online bank account and found charges amounting to $791 made to my debit/credit card. They were in chunks of about 350 and 400 dollars and a couple smaller charges. I'm pretty good about saving my money and never spend that much and A.) Forget about it or B.) Have it not go to pay car insurance or something practical. I called the bank and they said all the charges

O9

2009-01-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

This morning as I drove to work, I caught a glimpse of the marquee of a local independent movie theater. It had more text on it than usual, which is what caught my eye. Instead of movie titles, it had a note saying something to the effect of "The national disaster will finally be over on January 20. Good luck Obama." I don't consider myself an overly political person, but something about that

Reconnecting

2009-01-11T02:11:00.000-08:00

My former co-worker, D, contacted me tonight over IM and asked me for my phone number so he could put it in his new phone. We talked for a while. He sent me some clips of the music he's going to be putting on his next album. I admire the fact that he's writing and putting a lot of effort into his music. One funny thing he told me tonight was, "When I meet girls, they like me. When they find out I

"You so obviously watch the Disney Channel."

2009-01-10T00:48:00.000-08:00

Words straight out of the BF's mouth lol. I had no idea I radiated Disney, despite the fact that I'm sitting here wearing Eeyore pajama pants. (My mom picked them out for me as a Christmas present. Somehow Eeyore reminds her of me.) I guess this whole Disney feeling's been going on for a while because he also told me he didn't believe when I said I was only kidding about wanting to be Hannah

"He gave me his mobile phone so I couldn't call him any more."

2009-01-08T00:43:00.000-08:00

I can't say I've seen anything quite like the Museum of Broken Relationships before. It's a touring exhibit of gifts given from one lover to another, but only items from failed relationships are accepted. The web site has pictures of the gifts along with the story of what happened. The tokens of love range from fuzzy handcuffs to a wedding dress to underwear to a bag of dirt. The one that made me

Take it off! Let's see that flesh!

2009-01-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

I came up with the resolutions list from the previous entry pretty quickly because I've been wanting to change these things about myself for a while. Some of them will be harder than others, but I do find each of them to be a challenge. For some of them I'm looking at them thinking, "Oh shit!," but I'll try my best to get them accomplished. Here they are all fleshed out:Stop being late - Whenever

New Year Resolutions (in no particular order)

2009-01-03T03:46:00.000-08:00

I'll flesh these babies out later when it's not so 3:52 am-ish:Stop being so goddam late all the timeImprove memoryWrite more oftenDo some stuff that scares the shit out of me (driving in SF, performing, etc)Stick up for myself without blushingSpeak with a louder voice so as to frighten peopleGo to sleep at a decent bedtimeDon't get worked up about the little things that end up affecting #7Be

Who locked the door? 1 2 3 not me!

2009-01-03T03:13:00.000-08:00

Aw, I just scrolled down to the bottom of my journal looking for the Post New Entry link. JS style. I've gotta remember that Blogger has it up at the top.Before I forget this weirdness I'm experiencing, I want to write it down.I went back home for Christmas and I think I even left reasonably early. (Usually I'm late for everything I do--I'll talk about this in a New Years Resolution entry or

Multimedia message experimentation

2009-01-02T15:35:00.000-08:00

Just testing out the blogging by email feature.----------This is my backyard, btw.

Out with the old and in with the new

2008-01-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

It's funny how one seemingly insignificant decision can have such a huge impact on your life. Back in 2003 I decided to begin an online journal at what was then a small online journaling (not to be confused with blogging) community-based Web site. Originally I signed up because a friend wanted to join and thought it would be fun if I joined with him. To be honest, I didn't like the idea and