I can't say I've seen anything quite like the Museum of Broken Relationships before. It's a touring exhibit of gifts given from one lover to another, but only items from failed relationships are accepted. The web site has pictures of the gifts along with the story of what happened. The tokens of love range from fuzzy handcuffs to a wedding dress to underwear to a bag of dirt. The one that made me laugh was a cell phone with the description: "He gave me his mobile phone so I couldn't call him any more." What. a. dog. Then there was a bowl for kneading bread that a man had given to his wife because he thought bread kneading was erotic. (Although she said she was only wearing an apron while she was doing it, so...) The most impressive one of all was the story of the axe: A woman left on a business trip and came back to find that her girlfriend had left her for another woman. While the two love birds had run off on a vacation, the dumpee took an axe to all her ex-girlfriend's furniture.
I've had my fair share of fiery moments during relationships, but I never needed to take an axe to anything. One person who I don't even want to claim as ever having been my boyfriend used to give me his old computer science books. He'd also try to pawn off his stupid old crusty computer parts. (I don't actually know that they were crusty, but Lord only knows what he'd done with them. He actually used to refer to the way he touched his computers as "fondling" them. Yeah, I know. What the fuck was I thinking? And what the fuck did he think I was going to do with his lame ass network cards?!) He actually got pissed at me every time I'd tell him I didn't want his stuff. He said it was rude of me not to accept his gifts!
You know, come to think of it, he was always trying to give me his old stuff or someone else's old stuff. He'd go to the CD store and get me used CDs of his favorite music then get mad if I'd say anything critical of it. Then he got me a CD I already had--one that I'd told him I'd gotten. He really, really sucked. I will admit to liking ONE thing that he got me, which was thoughtful: a songwriting book. That was nice. But all the other stuff was shit, which is why I sold everything I could on Amazon when it was over lol. Had this exhibit been running all those years ago, I would've donated it to them.
Lordy Lord, it's late. It's late enough that Pastor Melissa Scott is now preaching on channel 4.
Time to pretend to go to bed now, my lovey doveys. Good night :-)
January 8, 2009
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Many, many years ago, when I was living with my first true love, on my way to the supermarket she said "buy me something that will surprise me!" she said as I walked out the door.
ReplyDeleteI thought long and hard on what to buy her. What would surprise her? What would she never expect?
I brought back a box of oatmeal for her.
Even though she was surprised, the relationship didn't last. I've learned a great deal since then.
Haha! Que romantique, Paul B. To be honest, I would have gladly accepted a box of oatmeal over the Pat Metheny CD that stupid guy gave me. He referred to that kind of music as "intercourse music," which is one of the reasons I can't listen to Metheny without throwing up a little in my mouth. It's too bad, because I hear he's actually pretty good.
ReplyDelete[I just realized that maybe they're not required to be gifts 'cause I'm pretty sure the axe wasn't a gift.]
I would have giggled at you Mr. B and realized I had brought it upon myself. What you really should have done was start with the oatmeal for the sake of being literal and then recover with a gift you know she'd really like.
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