One of my sweet birds is sick and hospitalized right now. I've had her for 14 years and I love her so much. She's beautiful, has a pretty voice, is cute, sweet, silly, funny, all the wonderful things you could hope to have in a pet. Unfortunately she's going into seizures and the vets don't know what the cause is. They did blood work and x-rays and took cultures. The blood work came up normal and in the x-rays, there was something metallic looking in her lower torso/tummy area so they've got her on medication that's supposed to expel any harmful metals. If that's not the cause, then I'm not sure what could be wrong with her. I'm hoping that's what it is because then the seizures would stop.
When I called and told my parents, they kept telling me to take her out of the hospital because it was too expensive and she's "just a bird." She's been my friend for 14 years. She's NOT just a bird to me.
I'm really torn on what to do with her--if I should take her out of the hospital to save money (it's very expensive) and do as my parents say and let nature take its course, or if I should leave her there and spend the money so she can have a good rest of her life. After all, the blood work came up normal.
I don't actually know how old she is because I got her as an adult. She could very well be 20 years old or older. I don't know what happens at the end of a bird's life, what symptoms they start showing as they're ready to go. I wish I knew what to do in this situation. All I know is that I love her so much.
December 24, 2010
December 20, 2010
Sometimes you feel like a butt, sometimes you don't.
A rather smelly fellow boarded the bus today, and without hesitating, let me know exactly where in my body he'd like to stick it. According to his incoherent rant, "Sometimes bitches need it up the asshole." I think he and I will have to agree to disagree about this one.
I <3 the city.
I <3 the city.
December 10, 2010
ARG, LLC
Let me first start off by saying I love my job. The people I work with are great and the job itself is fun. The main thing that causes me the most grief at work is the studio situation. To do my job, I need access to a studio so I can edit media, record audio, produce live events, etc. The studio I use is shared with a few companies and therein lies the problem.
We're supposed to officially reserve the studio whenever we need it before we use it. Today I was recording and my coworker had set everything up--as part of her job, she always reserves it for me whenever I will be using it, but even so, people have barged in during my time in there. They knock loudly on the door during live events, come in without knocking, barge in when the DO NOT DISTURB sign is up, etc. Then when I'm not in there, they also use my equipment which clearly has a "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH" sign on it, move my stuff around so I have to hunt for it, and other stuff like that. My coworker and I tried so hard to get someone to send out an email about this because it had gotten to the point where it needed to be addressed because it was affecting my job. Unfortunately the main office staff weren't very responsive and when they finally sent out an email, they mentioned my department specifically in an email that was meant to be hypothetical in nature and not pointing any fingers.
It's important to note the history of trouble my team has been having with this studio. Basically, I feel like people have not been taking my job responsibilities seriously by their lack of respect for the rules associated with the studio. (And I will also say that there have been times when I haven't returned the key on time, but I don't barge in on people and reserve the studio even if I only need it for a brief time.)
So I was in the studio today working on a conference call when I heard someone unlocking the door. Thinking the studio is reserved ahead of time for me and having a history of being barged in on, I immediately got irritated. Then the guy who was opening the door pushes it open hard enough that it smacks into the wall, where he proceeds to hold it open while all the nearby office conversations come flooding into the room.
I was doing a live recording and he was making tons of noise (and/or letting a bunch of noise in), so naturally I turned and told him I needed it quiet. He just stood there and looked at me and I might've asked him to leave at that point, but he just stood there not responding. He told me he needed to get his stuff out, but I had no idea how long that was going to take so I told him no. Plus, I was mid-recording so I couldn't just stop and talk to him, I WAS BUSY AND HE WAS DISTRACTING ME. Anyway, I ended up telling him that he could move his stuff out but ended with a "But can you hurry up because I am on a call?" and pointed to the phone on my ear.
Instead of getting his equipment, he slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. Then he went up and told on me to the lady in the office, who then came down to tell me I had NOT reserved the studio and that he needed to get his stuff out. I ended up being able to stay while he got his stuff out of the room (which was loud and distracting, just like I imagined it would be). I apologized to him at least twice for what I thought was a mix-up in reservations. He wouldn't even look me in the eye when he accepted the apologies.
After he left I logged into my email, ready to tell my co-worker what had happened and to verify that she had in fact reserved it for me, and sitting in my inbox was an email from the office lady asking if I was in the studio because my name wasn't there and someone had tried to get in and how they were senior level and I was "quite rude" to them and that they were "not happy." Evidently she'd emailed me before coming down.
I was so upset when I read that email. I never meant to be rude to the man who disrupted my session--I just wanted to work in peace so I could get my stuff done on time and go home. I was trying to be assertive and direct. The wording of her email made me feel like she thought I'd acted like a monster. And it was completely inappropriate to bring in his "level" with his company. Level should have nothing to do with cases of being "rude" to someone. She made it sound like it's more of an offense to be rude to higher level people than it is to lower level workers. Did she think I was going to stop and ask what his title was before I asked him to leave because he was disrupting my work?!
Later, I thought about it and realized she'd only taken HIS side. She was going off telling me what I did and she wasn't even there to witness it! Of course he wasn't going to say that he came in loudly and roughed up the door. If he hadn't been so loud, I wouldn't have been so distracted by it and wanting him to get out so badly.
Anyway, it turns out my coworker HAD reserved the space, and not only reserved it, but talked to the guy (different from the guy who barged in) who needed to use it most of the day to make sure that he knew we would be using it at that time. Unfortunately she didn't have an email confirmation for the reservation.
ARG.
Later on in the day I talked to my HR person because I felt so bad I was nearly in tears. I kept thinking I had genuinely hurt this man's feelings, and wanted to apologize again in email but every time I tried to type something out, it came out sounding like I felt it wasn't my fault. I wanted my HR person to help draft an email, but she recommended I apologize in person so my words can't be misconstrued. She also said she'd talk to the office lady to see what was going on. I now realize that his feelings weren't hurt, he was just pissed at me for trying to get him out of the room. Now that I've removed myself from the situation, I don't believe everything is my fault. I think he was being rude by coming in the way he did. I think the office lady was being rude and handled things improperly by sending me that email. Next time I'll try to be friendly when I'm getting barged in on.
Jeez. Even now I sound passive aggressive about it. "Dear Man, I'm sorry I was irritated when you disrupted my recording session."
It's like you have to be some entirely different fake person, who is bothered by nothing at work. I really just need to learn what to do in those situations to get what I need for my job and to appease the other person. I guess there's a fine line between trying to stick up for yourself and having someone thinking you're a bitch.
We're supposed to officially reserve the studio whenever we need it before we use it. Today I was recording and my coworker had set everything up--as part of her job, she always reserves it for me whenever I will be using it, but even so, people have barged in during my time in there. They knock loudly on the door during live events, come in without knocking, barge in when the DO NOT DISTURB sign is up, etc. Then when I'm not in there, they also use my equipment which clearly has a "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH" sign on it, move my stuff around so I have to hunt for it, and other stuff like that. My coworker and I tried so hard to get someone to send out an email about this because it had gotten to the point where it needed to be addressed because it was affecting my job. Unfortunately the main office staff weren't very responsive and when they finally sent out an email, they mentioned my department specifically in an email that was meant to be hypothetical in nature and not pointing any fingers.
It's important to note the history of trouble my team has been having with this studio. Basically, I feel like people have not been taking my job responsibilities seriously by their lack of respect for the rules associated with the studio. (And I will also say that there have been times when I haven't returned the key on time, but I don't barge in on people and reserve the studio even if I only need it for a brief time.)
So I was in the studio today working on a conference call when I heard someone unlocking the door. Thinking the studio is reserved ahead of time for me and having a history of being barged in on, I immediately got irritated. Then the guy who was opening the door pushes it open hard enough that it smacks into the wall, where he proceeds to hold it open while all the nearby office conversations come flooding into the room.
I was doing a live recording and he was making tons of noise (and/or letting a bunch of noise in), so naturally I turned and told him I needed it quiet. He just stood there and looked at me and I might've asked him to leave at that point, but he just stood there not responding. He told me he needed to get his stuff out, but I had no idea how long that was going to take so I told him no. Plus, I was mid-recording so I couldn't just stop and talk to him, I WAS BUSY AND HE WAS DISTRACTING ME. Anyway, I ended up telling him that he could move his stuff out but ended with a "But can you hurry up because I am on a call?" and pointed to the phone on my ear.
Instead of getting his equipment, he slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. Then he went up and told on me to the lady in the office, who then came down to tell me I had NOT reserved the studio and that he needed to get his stuff out. I ended up being able to stay while he got his stuff out of the room (which was loud and distracting, just like I imagined it would be). I apologized to him at least twice for what I thought was a mix-up in reservations. He wouldn't even look me in the eye when he accepted the apologies.
After he left I logged into my email, ready to tell my co-worker what had happened and to verify that she had in fact reserved it for me, and sitting in my inbox was an email from the office lady asking if I was in the studio because my name wasn't there and someone had tried to get in and how they were senior level and I was "quite rude" to them and that they were "not happy." Evidently she'd emailed me before coming down.
I was so upset when I read that email. I never meant to be rude to the man who disrupted my session--I just wanted to work in peace so I could get my stuff done on time and go home. I was trying to be assertive and direct. The wording of her email made me feel like she thought I'd acted like a monster. And it was completely inappropriate to bring in his "level" with his company. Level should have nothing to do with cases of being "rude" to someone. She made it sound like it's more of an offense to be rude to higher level people than it is to lower level workers. Did she think I was going to stop and ask what his title was before I asked him to leave because he was disrupting my work?!
Later, I thought about it and realized she'd only taken HIS side. She was going off telling me what I did and she wasn't even there to witness it! Of course he wasn't going to say that he came in loudly and roughed up the door. If he hadn't been so loud, I wouldn't have been so distracted by it and wanting him to get out so badly.
Anyway, it turns out my coworker HAD reserved the space, and not only reserved it, but talked to the guy (different from the guy who barged in) who needed to use it most of the day to make sure that he knew we would be using it at that time. Unfortunately she didn't have an email confirmation for the reservation.
ARG.
Later on in the day I talked to my HR person because I felt so bad I was nearly in tears. I kept thinking I had genuinely hurt this man's feelings, and wanted to apologize again in email but every time I tried to type something out, it came out sounding like I felt it wasn't my fault. I wanted my HR person to help draft an email, but she recommended I apologize in person so my words can't be misconstrued. She also said she'd talk to the office lady to see what was going on. I now realize that his feelings weren't hurt, he was just pissed at me for trying to get him out of the room. Now that I've removed myself from the situation, I don't believe everything is my fault. I think he was being rude by coming in the way he did. I think the office lady was being rude and handled things improperly by sending me that email. Next time I'll try to be friendly when I'm getting barged in on.
Jeez. Even now I sound passive aggressive about it. "Dear Man, I'm sorry I was irritated when you disrupted my recording session."
It's like you have to be some entirely different fake person, who is bothered by nothing at work. I really just need to learn what to do in those situations to get what I need for my job and to appease the other person. I guess there's a fine line between trying to stick up for yourself and having someone thinking you're a bitch.
November 24, 2010
Burlesque
You know you have a good boyfriend when he agrees (after minimal pleading) to see a movie with you that stars both Cher and Christina Aguilera.
Can't wait to see Christina sing!
Can't wait to see Christina sing!
November 17, 2010
health and deficiencies
Hi.
I found out today that I'm deficient in vitamin D. I only have a vague idea of how to read the diagnostics sheet my doctor gave me, but I'm about half of the lower side of the range for vitamin D. As my doctor said, my vitamin D levels are "in the shitter." I read a statistic online saying 85% of people are deficient in D. (Whether the stat is accurate or not is another story.) My doctor says if I don't do anything about it, that is, take a supplement or sun myself, that it will turn into osteoporosis when I'm older and possibly some other things. He didn't exactly say I'd get the big C, but asked if breast cancer runs in the family, which it does. Then he said women with high levels of vitamin D are less likely to get it. The ironic thing is that I've been going to great lengths to steer clear of the sun so as to avoid another cancer--skin cancer.
When you're young, you never think anything you do (or don't do) will catch up with you. And that being strict about certain things will make you live forever. I'm still young, but I'm beginning to see some symptoms of my life's choices catching up with me. I'm feeling fortunate that I have health care and that I can go to the doctor and be tested for important things like this. (The first thing I did after my appointment was buy D supplements.)
I'm going to go now to check on my baking yam. Incidentally, I've also added more fiber to my diet.
I found out today that I'm deficient in vitamin D. I only have a vague idea of how to read the diagnostics sheet my doctor gave me, but I'm about half of the lower side of the range for vitamin D. As my doctor said, my vitamin D levels are "in the shitter." I read a statistic online saying 85% of people are deficient in D. (Whether the stat is accurate or not is another story.) My doctor says if I don't do anything about it, that is, take a supplement or sun myself, that it will turn into osteoporosis when I'm older and possibly some other things. He didn't exactly say I'd get the big C, but asked if breast cancer runs in the family, which it does. Then he said women with high levels of vitamin D are less likely to get it. The ironic thing is that I've been going to great lengths to steer clear of the sun so as to avoid another cancer--skin cancer.
When you're young, you never think anything you do (or don't do) will catch up with you. And that being strict about certain things will make you live forever. I'm still young, but I'm beginning to see some symptoms of my life's choices catching up with me. I'm feeling fortunate that I have health care and that I can go to the doctor and be tested for important things like this. (The first thing I did after my appointment was buy D supplements.)
I'm going to go now to check on my baking yam. Incidentally, I've also added more fiber to my diet.
November 1, 2010
O hai!
I'm pretty sure I'll be writing here some more soon. 'Cause I ain't so depressed like I've been lately. Need to de-rut myself and get my songs going again. Practice makes perfect.
Tell me how you've been if you're here. :)
Tell me how you've been if you're here. :)
March 18, 2010
Dreams about the Lion
The Lion is my former boyfriend. The one who moved to LA without telling me, constantly ditched me, refused to talk to me on the phone because he said he didn't like our conversations, was meeting other girls on dating sites while we were dating (Lord only knows what he was doing with them), etc etc etc. Today I saw that the band he's running sound for is coming to play a show in my city. I immediately felt knots in my stomach. I'm tempted to go to the show just to see him. We haven't spoken in about a year, but I can't stop thinking about him. At this point, he's really just a stranger to me, but a stranger who caused me incredible amounts of pain and emotional bruising. I can still cry about the way things ended between us. I felt used, betrayed, and belittled.
Now I'm sort of with someone else. I'm hesitant to let him call me his girlfriend just because I don't want to have to deal with all the shit a relationship entails. I get too emotionally tied to these people and relationships end up being more stressful than beneficial to me (typically). However, I do like this guy I'm with now. It was weird because I had a really awful thing happen in November. One might use the word "fiasco" to describe it. Let's just say that I dated a guy who gave me the biggest scare of my life. He didn't do anything horrible to me or anything, but I thought something had happened to me that couldn't be undone. I'm being really cryptic right now because I don't want to say what it was, but everything's OK.
ANYWAY, after the November thing happened, I was completely worn out. 2009 was a HORRIBLE dating year for me and it ended with a bang. It was at that point that I decided to come to terms with ending up being an old maid. I didn't want to have anything to do with any guy ever again. The only way anything would happen would be if the guy was a friend first. I have a history of dating guys who are not my friends, and I think that's where it goes wrong. I want to be friends with the guy I'm dating. I act differently when I'm with a guy I'm dating. I'm not myself because I'm trying to impress him. At that point in November/December, I started to pray that my next boyfriend would be a friend first. That's when he asked me out.
At first I didn't even know it was a date, until he tried to kiss me. He and I have known each other for about 3 years or so, only getting to know each other a lot better back in April. He's almost 5 years younger than me, which is the same as my younger sister, so I always put him in the same category as my sister's friends--the "never gonna happen" category. And to be honest, I always thought he was really good looking in the kind of way that I wouldn't be his type because he could get hotter girls, but it turns out I am his type.
I don't know how long he's liked me, but he certainly kept it quiet. I ended up turning him down immediately when he tried to kiss me and as I hung out with him more later, I ended up regretting it. I kept hoping that he'd ask me again, and he did. Two more times. I brushed him off one of the times and then the last time, finally gave in. I'm always so resistant to starting anything with guys and I'm not sure why. I know that he's not the kind of guy who would just try to get in my pants, and I completely trust him.
I really don't know what else to say. He and I are together now, with me still trying to figure out what I want us to be. My favorite thing about him is that he doesn't want to push me into anything. Also, while The Lion lived in LA and would never see me when he came up to visit while we were still going out, this new one, who also lives in LA right now, comes up and sees me every time he's here.
I don't know. They can't really be compared. Thank God.
---------
I'm so scattered. I meant this entry to be about a dream I had about The Lion. Long story short: I dreamt he was in town and I ran into him. Even though I was standing right in front of him, he STILL wouldn't make time to see me. I woke up wanting to talk to him. Somehow I was at peace with him in that dream, because I did get to tell him what I was feeling at least a little bit before he went off to do whatever it was he was going to do. I hate carrying around all this negative energy toward him. I don't know how to get rid of it unless I talk to him and get on friendly terms. It's just my feelings and my ego get in the way. I think I need to read some Pablo Neruda now. Or Bukowski. But most likely Neruda. Bukowski'd just put me in an I-hate-love mood.
Good night.
Now I'm sort of with someone else. I'm hesitant to let him call me his girlfriend just because I don't want to have to deal with all the shit a relationship entails. I get too emotionally tied to these people and relationships end up being more stressful than beneficial to me (typically). However, I do like this guy I'm with now. It was weird because I had a really awful thing happen in November. One might use the word "fiasco" to describe it. Let's just say that I dated a guy who gave me the biggest scare of my life. He didn't do anything horrible to me or anything, but I thought something had happened to me that couldn't be undone. I'm being really cryptic right now because I don't want to say what it was, but everything's OK.
ANYWAY, after the November thing happened, I was completely worn out. 2009 was a HORRIBLE dating year for me and it ended with a bang. It was at that point that I decided to come to terms with ending up being an old maid. I didn't want to have anything to do with any guy ever again. The only way anything would happen would be if the guy was a friend first. I have a history of dating guys who are not my friends, and I think that's where it goes wrong. I want to be friends with the guy I'm dating. I act differently when I'm with a guy I'm dating. I'm not myself because I'm trying to impress him. At that point in November/December, I started to pray that my next boyfriend would be a friend first. That's when he asked me out.
At first I didn't even know it was a date, until he tried to kiss me. He and I have known each other for about 3 years or so, only getting to know each other a lot better back in April. He's almost 5 years younger than me, which is the same as my younger sister, so I always put him in the same category as my sister's friends--the "never gonna happen" category. And to be honest, I always thought he was really good looking in the kind of way that I wouldn't be his type because he could get hotter girls, but it turns out I am his type.
I don't know how long he's liked me, but he certainly kept it quiet. I ended up turning him down immediately when he tried to kiss me and as I hung out with him more later, I ended up regretting it. I kept hoping that he'd ask me again, and he did. Two more times. I brushed him off one of the times and then the last time, finally gave in. I'm always so resistant to starting anything with guys and I'm not sure why. I know that he's not the kind of guy who would just try to get in my pants, and I completely trust him.
I really don't know what else to say. He and I are together now, with me still trying to figure out what I want us to be. My favorite thing about him is that he doesn't want to push me into anything. Also, while The Lion lived in LA and would never see me when he came up to visit while we were still going out, this new one, who also lives in LA right now, comes up and sees me every time he's here.
I don't know. They can't really be compared. Thank God.
---------
I'm so scattered. I meant this entry to be about a dream I had about The Lion. Long story short: I dreamt he was in town and I ran into him. Even though I was standing right in front of him, he STILL wouldn't make time to see me. I woke up wanting to talk to him. Somehow I was at peace with him in that dream, because I did get to tell him what I was feeling at least a little bit before he went off to do whatever it was he was going to do. I hate carrying around all this negative energy toward him. I don't know how to get rid of it unless I talk to him and get on friendly terms. It's just my feelings and my ego get in the way. I think I need to read some Pablo Neruda now. Or Bukowski. But most likely Neruda. Bukowski'd just put me in an I-hate-love mood.
Good night.
March 17, 2010
datey face
So I'm dating a friend. This is new to me, but I probably should've been doing this instead of just dating dudes till I realized they weren't my friends. Right? He's so incredibly sweet and makes me laugh and he's a smarty pants, too. :-) I'll have to tell you more later. I miss yous!
<3
P.S. I must say that I love how he and I can just lay there all tangled up limbwise and just talk. And he LIKES (!!!) that I laugh too much. Take THAT, other guys who didn't like that about me! I'm pretty sure he'll be good for me. Really, really good.
<3
P.S. I must say that I love how he and I can just lay there all tangled up limbwise and just talk. And he LIKES (!!!) that I laugh too much. Take THAT, other guys who didn't like that about me! I'm pretty sure he'll be good for me. Really, really good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
