Don't call me baby

Yesterday evening, the same guy who broke my heart into more pieces than I'd like to count and then didn't speak to me for about two years, IM'd me. Every so often he'd Like links I'd posted on Facebook, but other than that, no phone calls, no emails, texts, or any kind of communication, which is something with which I was COMPLETELY satisfied. In fact, I encouraged the lack of communication. I ignored the shit out of him--never responded to his Likes, haven't looked at his Facebook in over 2 years, etc.

Normally when so much time has gone by without speaking, one would think you'd start out a conversation with something like, "Hi, long time no talk. How have you been?" That's how I would start out a conversation with someone I haven't spoken to in years, but not this guy. I didn't get a "Hi." I didn't get a "Hey what's up?" I got a "baaaayyyyyybbbbbyyyyyy."

What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?!

I wanted to say something snarky with just enough sass that I didn't come off as still angry at him lest he get an idea in his head that I pine for him. I wanted to come off classy, witty and end up with the upper hand. Unfortunately, the only response I could muster was physical; my bowels twisted and turned and my head began to ache. Shortly after, my boyfriend picked me up and I escaped my apartment, leaving the IM unanswered.

Why would he do that? The last time he tried to IM me a couple of years ago, it was because he was visiting the area and just "figured [he] would say hi." My guess is he wanted me to ask him to come see me, but instead, I told him to bring an umbrella because it was raining lol. (Later, one of my friends told me she thought it was probably because he wanted to use me as a booty call, which, in hindsight, it might have been.)

God damn.

So why now? Did he just break up with a girlfriend and feel nostalgic about the time he and I shared? Did he have such a low opinion of me that he imagined I still had feelings for him after all this time and that I'd be there to boost his ego for him? Or was he going to start a conversation with me, so he could remind himself about how much he disliked our conversations and promptly ignore me just like the old days? Is he coming back to the area and trying to sweet talk me because he needs a warm body with a fine ass keeping a bed warm for him? Did he accidentally hit my name and IM me by mistake? Either way, I feel like an apology is in order.

If you don't have anything nice to say, how about not IMing me?