friend end, part 2

I ignored her for about a month. I figured I owed her an explanation if I'm going to just stop being friends with her so she at least knows. I don't really know what I want to say to her so basically I'm just keeping my distance at this point until it's clear what I want to do with the remaining friendship I have left with her, if any at all.

I unblocked her from IM so she IM'd me and we spoke for a little bit while I was at work. She first asked if I was OK because she was beginning to worry about me that there might be something wrong since I hadn't spoken to her in a while. (We used to talk about every day or every couple days. We went from that to nothing.) After I told her I was fine, I asked her about her new apartment and from there on the conversation was mostly about her.

She went on and on about different things that had happened to her, how she went with her sister to look at apartments for her sister's friend and her sister ignored her to talk to the rental agent who was driving them around, then she told me about how the rental agent was rude to her (she told me what happened and the "rude" part is debatable), then she had some food mishap stories to tell me. She didn't really ask me about what I was up to, which I kind of expected because one of the problems I'd been having with her is that she'd go on about her troubles, but when I tried to talk about mine it didn't really seem like she cared much or had anything to say. Normally she'd just change the subject abruptly or would start telling me stories about people I don't even know who she barely knows. I'm sorry, but I don't really care what her boyfriend's brother's wife did on Saturday.

I feel bad saying this. I used to get enjoyment out of gabbing about ourselves and other people, but it's kind of getting to the point where she's talking about other people who I don't know and who aren't even really her friends and/or a big part of her life. I'm not saying that I never want to hear about them at all, but most of her stories are about these relatives of her bf and she doesn't even really like them. Plus, there are so many brothers and sisters that she mentions them by name like I'm supposed to remember them and all their info. They're not even that exciting sounding, either. Maybe I'm just being a brat or even a hypocrite without realizing it, but I don't want to hear about how they went to another bar and bossed her bf around like they always do. I mean, if she cares so much about it, she could say something to them about it instead of just getting mad at her BF later for letting his siblings boss him around.

Oy.

So during our conversation she mentioned she was going to keep her distance from her sister because she was rude to her during their time with the rental agent. Ironic, seeing as how the reason she and I hadn't spoken for a month was because I wanted to keep my distance from her after she was rude to me regarding that money she claimed I owed her dad when she really owed it to him.

Ahem.

So now the whole time we were talking about her new apartment, I didn't want to ask if she'd found another roommate to take her place since she'd had like 5 months left on her lease. I knew it would make me mad to hear that she'd just moved out without finding herself a replacement roommate. Basically what happened was she messed up her relationship with the roommate in her previous apartment, got the OK from the landlord to move out IF she found another roommate, couldn't find a roommate, then found another apartment and moved in there without giving notice or anything.

Before we stopped talking, I told her how bad of an idea it was to just stop paying rent and move out. Her mom ENCOURAGED her to do this. She already has a horrible credit/financial history and I told her that if she just up and left that her landlords could sue her for the money and she'd be in even bigger trouble. Plus, I know in CA you can get a complaint filed against you by your landlord that future potential landlords can look up. They can deny you an apartment because of a bad rental record. I thought I'd talked her out of it, because she seemed to understand my reasoning, but something happened and she did what her mom said to do and left without finding a replacement roommate.

This morning she sent me an email confirming what I didn't want to hear. Now the landlord at the place she moved out of is threatening to send debt collectors after her if she doesn't at least pay one more month's rent and let them keep the security deposit, which I find completely fair, considering that she owes them about 3-4 months of rent, which might be about $2000.

I honestly don't know what she expected from me when she wrote me the email about what was going on. Sympathy? I wish I had some to give her, but I don't. It's not even an "I told you so" type of moment for me, either. Mostly I'm just upset that she's acting irresponsibly and her mother is her "enabler." When the going gets tough, she literally gets going. She's always been this way and I just wish her mother wouldn't encourage that behavior. She's my age--she should know how to be somewhat responsible at this point. I can completely understand being in debt, and even being in a lot of debt because of having made some major mistakes as an older teen or a young twenty-something. I understand having made financial mistakes. It happens. What I don't understand is not learning from mistakes or, at the very least, not putting in any effort to try to improve or make the situation better. By letting this happen and inviting more debt collectors to come after her, she's just digging herself deeper into this hole. What if her landlord sues her? She might have to pay for a lawyer or end up paying the entire amount of rent if a judge reads the lease and sees that she's in violation. I'm not 100% sure how this works, but they might even be able to take money out of her paycheck to pay the landlord, which would mean she might not make enough money at her job to pay for her new rent, which will give her even more problems. When she makes big decisions like this, they're often shortsighted because she's fleeing from something that's upsetting her. I sincerely want her to be able to break this pattern and be able to take care of herself.

Ultimately it's not my job to worry about this. It's not my job to support or encourage her when she's making what I consider to be terrible decisions. It's not my job to lie to her. It's her responsibility to be responsible.