I keep having these dreams where I'm in a really decrepit apartment with bad plumbing problems. The apartment changes each time, but the theme of me desperately wanting to move out stays the same. Usually most of the time of the dream is spent in the bathroom. This time around I had moved into a very old house and the hippie girl who had lived there before had left some of her decor behind. There were plants hanging from the high ceiling right down into the toilet and bathtub. They were strategically placed so the bottom of the pot would be touching water at all times so no one had to water the plants. There were also these weird construction paper star ornaments hanging from the ceiling.

At one point I noticed the water in the bathtub was brown so I let it go down the drain, which caused the toilet to overflow and then there was another bathtub in the next room that collected some of the toilet water. Even when I turned off the valve to the toilet to stop the overflow, the water kept coming. I remember the tile floor of the bathroom was wet and I was barefoot. When I thought about calling the landlords to come fix the plumbing, I had a feeling they'd blame me for all the crap the other girl had left behind. There was also this grated hole in the wall where you could see outside, which is another symbol I've seen in my dreams--holes in the walls of the bathroom to the outside.

When I walked out into the living areas of the house, the whole high-ceiling-with-stuff-hanging-from-it theme continued. This time there were fabrics hanging draped from above, almost like the house had been TP'd with fabric instead of toilet paper. The main room itself was shaped like an attic, triangular with its sloping ceiling. The walls had built-in bookshelves that had very old books and yellowed papers bursting out of the shelves. When I saw those, I thought to myself that I had so much stuff and couldn't easily make another move.

I went back into the bathroom to check on the toilet situation and realized I had plungers and could possibly take care of the problem myself. Then something even better happened and I realized that I was dreaming and that this particular house was NOT my current apartment and that I actually DO live in a nice space.

From there, still seeing the toilet overflowing, I decided to start plunging it even though it was just a dream because it bothered me lol.



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What's that thing called when you add more to something after you've already written and shared it? An edition? Epilogue? I forget the word for it, but it's along those lines:

I woke up at 4 am and read this entry again and realized that the "hippie girl" who lived in the house before me WAS me (maybe). I was looking up some of the other symbols in an online dream dictionary and many of them were pointing to representing the past and possibly how I was emotionally or intelligently(?) in the past. She either represents me when I was younger (and more hippie-ish) or someone who just expects me to deal with all her shit because she pretty much left it behind when she moved out, all those brown bathwater and toilet-watered plants. Ew.

watermelon brains

I'm starting to think that I stopped letting myself get enough sleep because subconsciously I didn't want to deal with the disturbing dreams I'd have if I'd let myself get enough sleep.

Last night I dreamt I was at my parents' house. It kept switching between being inside and outside, but I think mostly it was outside because there was some flying going on. Asshead, my very first "boyfriend" ever (although I hate to even call him a boyfriend after what he put me through), was in it as the aggressor, as he usually is.

Up in front of this cupboard thing that we had to fly to get to, there were hovering plates where holograms of objects would appear and solidify into whatever they were showing. For some reason he and I were "together" in this dream, although I hated and feared him and did not want to have any sort of involvement with him. I think he had "claimed" me or something like that in the dream. It was as if he were a demon--long greasy hair, dressed all in black. We were fighting about who got to keep their own apartment, although I think it would be more accurate to say we were gambling or playing a game of chance because of how these hovering plates worked. I don't know why someone had to lose their apartment in the dream, but that's what was going on. We had to look at the hovering plates and if a cake showed up in one, it meant that whoever touched it got to keep living in their apartment and not have to move. Someone beyond us was controlling the plates, and ultimately my fate.

(At some point during all this, a picture/collage of Jesus showed up next to the plates. Jesus was kind of "alive" in it and could react to what I was saying via facial expressions, almost like the "alive" paintings in Harry Potter. I started yelling at Jesus for allowing this game to happen. His face started to contort into some kind of anger, but I kept yelling at him, basically telling him to shut up and listen and his facial expression calmed down. It's really interesting to me that this part of the dream happened because normally something like that would scare me, but at this point, Asshead was the scarier situation, not that I was yelling furiously at the Son of God.)

I really wanted to keep my apartment because it somehow meant that I wouldn't have to move in with him. I think if I "lost" the deal that I'd be bound to him. Right before a cake was supposed to appear on a hovering plate, I had remembered that he wasn't even living in his own apartment anymore, that he was living with his mom. I tried to reason with him, but he was being incredibly selfish by saying that he was going to touch the cake so he could keep this apartment that he wasn't even living in--an apartment he didn't even own and would have to pay rent for. It made no sense and he was doing it so he could control me. I reminded him that he didn't need it, but he didn't listen. It was a very sneaky move on his part to act like he needed that apartment.

Unfortunately, right after I told Asshead he shouldn't be able to keep it, a plastic cartoonish cake appeared on a plate closer to him, he reached over and touched it as quickly as he could. He had this "too bad for you," attitude when he did it and I was so upset.

Seeing as how he'd just "won," he started coming after me. I could fly, so as in all my flying dreams, I was fighting to fly but could only manage to get about an inch or so above his fingertips, just barely escaping his grasp.

I floated around, trying to get away but it wasn't working and I had to land in this apple tree in my parents' front yard. Apple trees aren't that tall so he started running toward me and almost got me, but something happened and he turned into a watermelon. Quickly, we (I think my sister was there) picked up the watermelon and I remember it sort of had a crack in it so I threw it hard onto the ground from over the railing of the front deck. I knew that the watermelon was his head and that when it broke open on the gravel driveway that he would have to be dead/destroyed because his brains were coming out of his skull.

EXCEPT...

I turned my back, ready to get away from there, relieved he was finally gone, only to hear the scrambling sound of his body morphing back into his human form, completely unharmed. From there, he started chasing me again almost Exorcist crab-walk style and I woke up.

dream log

Last night I had a dream that I was at some type of festival. There were tons of booths and, for some odd reason, classrooms. I walked into one of the classroom and there was this man who I can only remember as being Simon Cowell-esque. I think he was a teacher from my past with whom I'd had a love/hate relationship. I remember he was extra hard on me but I was one of his favorites (kind of like this professor I had in college). When I walked into the classroom, things were set up like a normal classroom--desks for students, a chalkboard up front, and a teacher's desk to the side. There were items hung on the walls and what I guess were class art projects hanging from the ceiling.

As I looked closer at the walls, I noticed that some of the wall decor were actually my old wall calendars from years past. They had all these appointments, dates, notes to myself, indicators of when I was having my periods, etc. marked on them for everyone to see. I have no idea how he'd found the calendars or why he'd hung them on the walls, but somehow I wasn't freaked out about it. In the dream, it was odd just how it would be in real life, but it wasn't creepy. In fact, I almost walked out and just left my whole personal life out on those walls for everyone to see, but I think I was with someone who gave me the idea to start pulling them off the wall and taking them with me when I left.

The next dream scene was walking somewhere on the festival grounds where I was with friends. We wanted some ice cream so we stopped at this booth that looked like a convenience store. I remember it being really hard to get the ice cream, like they'd run out of it. I think I ended up with something that wasn't ice cream but was supposed to be, but that part isn't really important.

After the festival, I think I had a new dream, but it kind of had a similar theme of people stealing my shit lol. So I think my sister and I were at my parents' house hanging out on the front deck during the summer. We could tell someone was in the house, but didn't know who it was. My sister was her 11 or 12 year old self in this dream, but she's the brave one who checked to see who was inside. I peered in the window and everything was kind of dark, but I could see a silhouette of a man putting his hand into the bird cage and bringing out my birdy. At this point I thought it was my dad but my sister came out and told me it was CJ, the stalker/sexual harasser I had in and after college.

Just like in the other dream when I was faced with complete creepiness, I didn't experience any kind of reaction to it in my dream. I was completely calm, despite the fact that I wanted him OUT. I walked inside, and made sure he wasn't still holding my bird. On the floor by the kitchen/dining room (which is right near the front door entrance), I saw this pile of my things. Evidently he'd snuck into my room while I was in college and stole some of my belongings to keep as little souvenirs. It was a bunch of random things that I might have even had as a child and not necessarily in college. Before I went through the pile, I looked at him and told him to get out and to leave me alone. It was almost like he was a ghost or evil spirit because as soon as I told him to leave, I felt that he had to, like my word was stronger than any power he had. Just like that, he vanished.

I began sorting through the pile of things he'd left on the floor--there was this toy purse/pouch that I unzipped and found an old dishrag in, an unopened bag of socks that were new. The stuff that he'd stolen was stuff from my childhood. It was strange. I know this because I looked at my 11/12 year old sister when I found the pouch/purse thingie and was wondering if she'd remembered it because it was something that we used to play with when we were younger. The socks were these colored cotton socks that I used to wear when I was in middle school or junior high, but wouldn't wear now. I have no clue why the dishrag with the giant hole in it was in the pile lol. I think it was my mom's. I woke up as I was looking through the pile.

I'm not exactly sure yet what my dreams mean, but I just wanted to write them down before I forgot. I definitely have some odd things floating around in my head when I get enough sleep to be able to access them.

Looking for love in a parked car

Last night I had a dream where I opened the trunk of my car and stuck a check in a clutch wallet, which was supposed to be an ATM, and an unbelievable amount of money came out. I think I was trying to withdraw some money from my account and $100,000 bills started shooting out of it. (Never mind that US dollars don't come in bills worth that much...) I was really surprised that I suddenly had all this money, but I felt like I should do the right thing and return it. I went to the bank and was about to give the teller the money I had when an old friend from high school said hi to me and asked me what was up. I turned to her and flashed the cash, saying, "The ATM machine just gave me all this money! Can you believe it?! I'm here to return it." As soon as the old woman teller heard that, she got high-and-mighty with me, saying that it was wrong for me to flash the money that way and that she was going to have to write me up for it.

(Incidentally, I think the woman playing the role of the teller was the dumb little Mrs. Claus looking woman from the DMV who had given me my first behind-the-wheel driving test. She failed me because I had caused traffic to stop as I was leaving the parking lot. She had no sympathy for me or my incredible nervousness. Occasionally I think about her and what a little witch she was for making me drive even though she knew she was going to fail me. The thing that pissed me off the most was when she fucking grabbed the wheel as I pulled back into the parking lot because she thought I was going to run over the kids who were playing ball in the freaking driveway. I was in complete control and she had no faith in me.)

Okay, so this evil little bank teller woman started droning on about how it wasn't ladylike to do that with money, how it was impolite and uncultured to call attention to my money that way. I really didn't feel like it was a big deal since I'd only shown my friend. But either way, she was going to report me AND put a mark on my credit so that it would make it extra hard or impossible for me to ever get a loan in my life for a house or anything else. She was going to fuck me up just for that fanning of the money, completely ignoring my good intentions of returning it.

Something, I'm not sure what, just sparked my memory of this dream, which I think is pretty symbolic. I went onto a dream dictionary and here are the symbols I found. It's pretty interesting and relevant to my life right now:

To see a parked car in your dream, suggests that you need to turn your efforts and energies elsewhere. You may be needlessly spending your energy in a fruitless endeavor. Alternatively, a parked car my symbolize your need to stop and enjoy life.

I'm going to go with the first parked car symbol. Many a friend have been telling me that my relationship situation is like the parked car--going nowhere--and that I'm putting energy into something that will end up being fruitless.

Then we have finding all the money in the car and getting extra money:

To see or win money in your dream, symbolizes that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself. Alternatively, dreaming about money, refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is frequently a symbol for sexuality and power. In particular, finding money indicates your quest for love or for power.

To dream that you lose money, signifies temporary unhappiness in the home and a few setbacks in your affairs. You may be feeling weak, vulnerable, and out of control in your waking life. Additionally, you may be lacking ambition, power and self-esteem.

To give or spend money in you dream, is analogous to giving love. You are looking for love.

In the dream I "won"/saw money, lost, and gave it away. I would say that finding money in a parked car would mean (using the symbolism from the dictionary) that I was putting too much effort into love. I'm not sure how the whole confidence thing plays in here. I wouldn't say I'm the most confident person, but the love thing rings true.

I lost the money to the evil bank lady, and I'd say that I feel vulnerable in my situation currently and that my self-esteem has been wavering because of it. However, I find that being in this situation makes me more ambitious because I get mad at the loverboy and want to become successful as a revenge tactic. Not sure if it actually works that way, but in my head it does. (It's the whole "Look what you could've had" thing.) I find it interesting that the bank teller was played by the DMV woman, someone who, in real life, had denied me permission to drive--she wanted to separate me from love.

Of course my giving the money back could very well be my giving of love. It is true that I'm looking for love. Just like any other person I want to love and be loved; I'd even go so far as to say it's the main thing I want right now. I want a boyfriend who is my best friend before he is my boyfriend, but things don't always work out that way. (Did I tell you he moved to LA?) I could've easily kept all the money for myself in the dream, but I wanted to give it back and then got fucked over for doing so. In the end I should've just kept it and bought myself a vacation to every country in the world so I could find myself the perfect dream man.