I feel incredibly silly.

I'm just a silly girl is all.

In an interesting turn of events, my best friend in Korea is coming to visit me. I am not the kind of friend who would make her stay at a hostel like she suggested. I don't think I ever told the Korea story in its entirety just because of the sensitivity of the situation. Long story short: the trip I took there was emotional and hostile. The trip she will make out here will be nothing of the sort.

I get myself into odd situations on a regular basis. Maybe that should've been a New Year resolution--to stop that.

On a happy note, I have friends in the singing group. I went out dinnering and dancing in San Francisco Friday night with those friendly people who I'm beginning to really appreciate. I was late because SF parking is impossible and the leader guy, E, actually left the restaurant to find and escort me to the restaurant. How sweet is that? And when we finally arrived, H, the guy who flirts a lot, immediately complimented me on my purse lol. He also gave me a present that I can't disclose 'cause I've been sworn to secrecy. (It was a nice gift though, just know this.)

During the dancing portion of the night H "dancenapped" me and I was really embarrassed. Imagine this--guys who actually ENJOY dancing!(!!!) After a drink (of WATER!) I went back out with the other shy girl and cut a rug so to speak. (No, not that kinda rug!) That's when H danced again with me. (I don't dance well with others, mainly from lack of experience.) He kept complimenting my dancing which made me laugh because I don't consider myself a dancer anymore. "You've been practicing in your room!" Very fun people. I truly dig them.

It's after 1:30am and my resolution to go to sleep early ain't working so well. However, I did do the scary thing and went to dinner and dancing AND drove to SF that Friday night, so I count that as a score for my team. (Outings make me nervous, lord only knows why.)

So that's it for now. I love my dovies!

791

Today at work I logged into my online bank account and found charges amounting to $791 made to my debit/credit card. They were in chunks of about 350 and 400 dollars and a couple smaller charges. I'm pretty good about saving my money and never spend that much and A.) Forget about it or B.) Have it not go to pay car insurance or something practical. I called the bank and they said all the charges were made from two different airlines. I immediately had the bank assistant cancel the card and file a claim because obviously if I had planned a trip or two for myself, chances are I would have let myself in on it. So basically some mother fucker stole my credit card number and fucking bought himself a vacation.

The thing is, I still have my card so it's not like I left it somewhere or someone stole it from me. I am always careful online and never make purchases from online stores that I don't trust so I don't think I was phished or scammed somehow. The only things I really ever buy online are concert tickets or stuff from Amazon and I haven't bought anything online in a while. And I always keep my receipts from grocery stores, etc., even if it only shows the last four digits of the credit card number. The only thing that I've done differently is pay by credit card to the locksmith who opened my door for me. Since he couldn't swipe it, he did the carbon paper and crayon method. (Is that thing even a crayon?) I'm not blaming him for it, but it had the entire number and my name on the receipt. Maybe my address too. (Or at least the company knew my address.) My roommate said maybe the locksmith lost their copy of the receipt and someone got a hold of it that way. My dad offered that someone might have sold the number. I don't know what to think. Right now I'm just concerned about getting up early enough in the morning so I have time to go to the bank and get some cash out so I can pay for stuff for seven to ten business days until I get my new card.

Arg.

O9

This morning as I drove to work, I caught a glimpse of the marquee of a local independent movie theater. It had more text on it than usual, which is what caught my eye. Instead of movie titles, it had a note saying something to the effect of "The national disaster will finally be over on January 20. Good luck Obama." I don't consider myself an overly political person, but something about that note made me start crying right there in my car. I'm so happy for Obama, not just as a President (elect), but as a person. I can't even explain it. So really: good luck to him and good luck to us.

Reconnecting

My former co-worker, D, contacted me tonight over IM and asked me for my phone number so he could put it in his new phone. We talked for a while. He sent me some clips of the music he's going to be putting on his next album. I admire the fact that he's writing and putting a lot of effort into his music. One funny thing he told me tonight was, "When I meet girls, they like me. When they find out I do music, they LOVE me." It really cracked me up. I asked him if it worked the same way--if a girl does music, do guys like them more? He said it depends on the guy and if they like that sort of thing.

As for myself, I like a guy more when I learn he's a musician (but only if he's a GOOD musician--just because he can strum a few chords doesn't mean he's a musician). I always thought I liked them more because it meant we had something in common. Now I'm just wondering if I like them more just because they're a musician. I'm pretty sure I'm not that kind of girl because I can distinguish between good and bad musicians. I remember back in my CIS days, I'd immediately like a guy more if I knew he was studying computer science. It's interesting how we're attracted to different people for different reasons.

That's me going into tangent mode because it's got nothing to do with D. But back to D: He checks in with me from time to time and it's nice. I'm glad he wanted my phone number in his phone. He's a good guy to have around and his energy and focus is oftentimes contagious. If we ever get an office for my company, I wish he'd come back and visit or work for a while with us. He's coming back in February, so I'll be happy to see him back. One more friend in the city.

"You so obviously watch the Disney Channel."

Words straight out of the BF's mouth lol. I had no idea I radiated Disney, despite the fact that I'm sitting here wearing Eeyore pajama pants. (My mom picked them out for me as a Christmas present. Somehow Eeyore reminds her of me.) I guess this whole Disney feeling's been going on for a while because he also told me he didn't believe when I said I was only kidding about wanting to be Hannah Montana for Halloween. I totally was though! :-)

"He gave me his mobile phone so I couldn't call him any more."

I can't say I've seen anything quite like the Museum of Broken Relationships before. It's a touring exhibit of gifts given from one lover to another, but only items from failed relationships are accepted. The web site has pictures of the gifts along with the story of what happened. The tokens of love range from fuzzy handcuffs to a wedding dress to underwear to a bag of dirt. The one that made me laugh was a cell phone with the description: "He gave me his mobile phone so I couldn't call him any more." What. a. dog. Then there was a bowl for kneading bread that a man had given to his wife because he thought bread kneading was erotic. (Although she said she was only wearing an apron while she was doing it, so...) The most impressive one of all was the story of the axe: A woman left on a business trip and came back to find that her girlfriend had left her for another woman. While the two love birds had run off on a vacation, the dumpee took an axe to all her ex-girlfriend's furniture.

I've had my fair share of fiery moments during relationships, but I never needed to take an axe to anything. One person who I don't even want to claim as ever having been my boyfriend used to give me his old computer science books. He'd also try to pawn off his stupid old crusty computer parts. (I don't actually know that they were crusty, but Lord only knows what he'd done with them. He actually used to refer to the way he touched his computers as "fondling" them. Yeah, I know. What the fuck was I thinking? And what the fuck did he think I was going to do with his lame ass network cards?!) He actually got pissed at me every time I'd tell him I didn't want his stuff. He said it was rude of me not to accept his gifts!

You know, come to think of it, he was always trying to give me his old stuff or someone else's old stuff. He'd go to the CD store and get me used CDs of his favorite music then get mad if I'd say anything critical of it. Then he got me a CD I already had--one that I'd told him I'd gotten. He really, really sucked. I will admit to liking ONE thing that he got me, which was thoughtful: a songwriting book. That was nice. But all the other stuff was shit, which is why I sold everything I could on Amazon when it was over lol. Had this exhibit been running all those years ago, I would've donated it to them.

Lordy Lord, it's late. It's late enough that Pastor Melissa Scott is now preaching on channel 4.

Time to pretend to go to bed now, my lovey doveys. Good night :-)

Take it off! Let's see that flesh!

I came up with the resolutions list from the previous entry pretty quickly because I've been wanting to change these things about myself for a while. Some of them will be harder than others, but I do find each of them to be a challenge. For some of them I'm looking at them thinking, "Oh shit!," but I'll try my best to get them accomplished. Here they are all fleshed out:

1. Stop being late - Whenever I talk to my mom about being late for something and being in a hurry because of it, she tells me, "You're never in a hurry." She says that not because I'm never late, but because I never hurry when I'm late. I always argue that I always hurry, I just keep thinking of things to do and think I can do them in the amount of time I've allotted myself to get ready. It's gotten so bad that I show up 30-60 minutes late for work every day. Luckily I work at a start-up where it's pretty lax and I always put in my 8 hours. Starting now I'm making an effort to arrive on time for work and other events.


2. Improve my memory - I think I'm going to add "Work on being more focused" to this one. Maybe it's a Gemini thing, but my mind is constantly going and I find it hard to remember anything--mostly things I've done. I remember broad ideas or things I've read, but I find it really hard to remember things I did or why I did them and certain details. My bf has told me before that I go off on tangents. Or that I'm in one of my "tangent modes." I also have trouble concentrating on one thing long enough to actually get it done. Like it may take me a few days to write a blog for my job because I'll write a paragraph, have to think for a while, then go off and do Web work, then do something else then get back to my blog. It's ridiculous. I need to focus. Not sure how I'm going to do this, but I think games/puzzles are supposed to help, so I will research it.
   


3. Write more often - This goes for both work, journals, and songwriting. I'm a Gemini--communication is my forte. I need to start acting like it. It really is what I want to do, so I need to stop procrastinating waiting for perfection and get out whatever will come out then edit later.
   


4. Scare myself on a regular basis - How am I going to grow if I don't shit my pants every once in a while? Seriously. (Well, maybe not seriously...) I went caroling several days in December and that was a really brave thing for me to have done. I met people on Craigslist, which was frightening to me and then I went around singing all over San Francisco for 7 hours at a time with a group of (at most) 7 or 8 people. With two people on one part, it can feel naked and when I was the only girl singing on the last day, I felt even nakeder. I need to do more performing because I think that's the ultimate frightening thing for me. But I won't limit it to performing because that will take a while for me, so driving in San Francisco and/or Oakland, meeting new people, visiting new towns, etc. Those kinds of things are also on the list. I'm such a homebody these days it's ridiculous. I moved here so I could go DO things. This also leads into #5...
   


5. Stick up for myself - I have a habit of letting people make decisions and going along with it because I don't have an opinion one way or another. If it's something I truly care about, I'll fight it all the way. No one's ever rude to me so I don't need to stick up for myself in that respect, but sometimes things happen and I wonder why I don't visibly/vocally react when I get riled up. Maybe for fear that I'd blush? I don't know. I used to blush all the time. Now I don't so much, but occasionally it'll creep in. NO MORE DOING WHAT I DON'T WANT TO DO AND NO MORE LETTING PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
   


6. Talk louder - Recently I've noticed my Virgo rising has been causing me to talk in an almost whisper. It really bugs me. I'm not soft spoken necessarily, but I come off that way. From now on I will speak not from the diaphragm, but from the BALLS (O' STEEL). Either that or the vagina. Whichever feels more powerful at the time. (I was wondering how long I'd be able to go in this journal before using the word "vagina"...)
   


7. Go to sleep early - I'm a night owl, but if I really want to be awake by 8 am so I can start getting to work on time, I'm aiming for a bedtime of at least 1 am. I think it's a good, round time that I can work with. Plus, it's nice to have sleep so I don't have to slap myself in the face at work to keep myself awake.
   


8. Don't get so worked up and worried about things - This one will be extremely hard. Maybe I'll need to meditate...or possibly even medicate. There are nights when I can't sleep because I'm worried or angry or both. The other night I stayed up till past 4am. I really think it helps me when I'm having my "mind races" to turn the TV on and fall asleep with it on. It makes my mind slow down and concentrate on something else. For now that's the only thing that works, but I'll have to research some better methods.
   


9. Be healthier - I already eat organic and usually stay away from artificial colors and flavors and preservatives, but I need to eat more vegetables. And take my vitamins. I'm going to start. Oh, and drink more liquids too.
   


10. Practice music more often - I just got an email from the leader of the caroling group and it turns out everyone wants to keep singing! It's going to be a year round thing! So now it's built in that I WILL be practicing more. My dreamy dreams are coming true! But before I got the email, I decided to practice my vocal exercises several times a week and join at least one singing group.
    

New Year Resolutions (in no particular order)

I'll flesh these babies out later when it's not so 3:52 am-ish:

1. Stop being so goddam late all the time
2. Improve memory
3. Write more often
4. Do some stuff that scares the shit out of me (driving in SF, performing, etc)
5. Stick up for myself without blushing
6. Speak with a louder voice so as to frighten people
7. Go to sleep at a decent bedtime
8. Don't get worked up about the little things that end up affecting #7
   
9. Be healthier
10. Practice music more often. In fact, practice music way too often.
    

Who locked the door? 1 2 3 not me!

Aw, I just scrolled down to the bottom of my journal looking for the Post New Entry link. JS style. I've gotta remember that Blogger has it up at the top.

Before I forget this weirdness I'm experiencing, I want to write it down.

I went back home for Christmas and I think I even left reasonably early. (Usually I'm late for everything I do--I'll talk about this in a New Years Resolution entry or something because I'm resolving to stop that.) The thing is, I don't remember rushing. I do remember going back up for my umbrella after I'd packed stuff away in my car, but I don't remember locking my bedroom door or leaving the light on in my room. After seven months of living here, I have never once locked my room door. The main reason being because it has no key. It's a regular door lock--one you'd find in an office or something--not one you'd find on a bathroom that can be unlocked from the outside with a screwdriver. What I'm saying is there's no easy way to get in without some serious picking. But I came home from my Christmas vacation and it was locked.

I called the locksmith to open it and I remember running up the steps to my room so I could give him the new doorknob. (Back when the creepy roommate was around and we suspected him of going into our rooms when we were gone during the day--which he was--I had purchased a new doorknob with a set of keys so I could lock it if need be. I just never got around to putting it on because the roommate was caught and kicked out soon after.) If I remember correctly, it appeared to be daylight in my room when I ran up to get the doorknob. The thing is, I have thick fleece blankets covering my windows to keep the heat in and it's always dark in my room, no matter what time of day. I don't think I would have run so quickly up the stairs if it had been dark. Then again, I could be remembering incorrectly. I wasn't paying close attention. Maybe I did flip the light on.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because, although nothing was missing, it's really out of character for me to leave my bedroom light on when I leave the room and even more strange that I would have locked my door knowing full well the consequences of doing so. Just a few minutes ago I opened my closet and saw an open space on one of the shelves. I never have empty space in my closet because it's the only place I have to store anything and I make good use of it. Unfortunately I can't remember what was there in that space to decide whether or not anything was taken.

Nothing in the house was messed with and there was no sign of forced entry anywhere, so all I can chalk it up to is me being flaky as I was leaving that afternoon for home. Maybe I should add "paying attention to what I'm doing when I'm doing it" to my list o' resolutions.

Multimedia message experimentation

Just testing out the blogging by email feature.

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This is my backyard, btw.