Within the span of a week, my uncle and sweet little Angel have passed. My uncle is no longer handicapped and my birdy baby is flying with a flock of new friends. I'm not sure I believe in a heaven for myself, but I sure as hell believe in one for everyone I love. The thing I can't get out of my mind is that during the Mass for my uncle, the priest mentioned that my aunt had baptized him on his deathbed. Even though he'd been to church with the family, he never was baptized, but when he knew he was approaching the end, he requested it. I can't imagine what my aunt must have been going through when she baptized him, knowing what it represented. Saying she is a very strong woman is an understatement. She amazes me.

I hate even mentioning the next life issue since nothing is so permanent and heartbreaking as death--any other problem seems minuscule. It's just that my friend/roommate just gave me her 30-day notice on Tuesday while I was out of town for my uncle's services and then for work. I have until the beginning of March to find a new place to live. The housing search is slow-going, but I'm just going to have to try harder for a new place. I hid a St. Anthony prayer card a la my nana. Nothing yet, but something's gotta come up.

So that's what's been going on in my life. Talk to you later.

Well, that didn't work

The agent gave me the lease for the place I wanted and line #35 was a warning about hazardous materials being on the premises. When I asked what they were or where these materials were, he said he'd ask the owner, but basically my answer was, "They are not required by law to disclose that information." Then the pet agreement I had to sign basically said I would have to get a $1mil insurance policy for my two little birdies. When I asked them to waive it because it was excessive, the owner agreed it was excessive and said people usually got $300,000 policies for their pets and that that price would be OK. The only pet insurance I could find was for dogs and cats--NONE for birds. And then the largest sum of money they'd pay out is $700 for a $20/mo plan. I can't even imagine how much per month it would be for a $300k plan. No way was I going to sign off on either of those.

(Needless to say?) I did not accept the place. Luckily the agent was very understanding and actually waived the $50 fee that I should've had to have paid because they offered the place and I declined. Now I'm looking harder and probably going to move to the city. I don't know who's going to find a place first, my roommate & her bf or me. It's pretty stressful.

Also, my poor uncle just passed away after having been sick for years. I can't spend money to fly down there for the services since moving is going to cost several thousands of dollars, so I have to drive 7.5 hours with my family down to southern CA. My mom's stressed out and I'm getting mad because of the way everything's being handled re: the family. It's like my mom was surprised that my sister and I wanted to go. Like she expected us not to care enough to go down since we didn't live down there to know our uncle as well as we could have. I mean, she was happy/glad that we wanted to go, but it makes me wonder what all the other family will think. Both my sister and I were second-guessing our decision to go. Whenever we go down there to visit, our cousins and aunts are great and we all get along fine. I do sense a tension(?) though since my sister and I were brought up in a different area from the one they all grew up in. They bonded and grew up with each other and we didn't get to bond with many of them until we were older. I just don't want to be teary-eyed at the services and have my extended family think it's fake or something since I didn't know him as well as they did.

Just because you don't know someone well doesn't mean you can't feel sad and care that they're gone. It also doesn't mean that it doesn't break your heart to know that your family members have lost multiple immediate family members and that it's going to be painful to have to cope with another loss.

God, I really hope this "unwelcomeness" vibe we're getting is just in our heads, that it's just because she's stressed and overwhelmed and not dealing with her emotions. My sister and I really, really do care about our extended family and the last thing we'd want to do at a time like this is to appear like we're there because we thought we had to be.

It's time for bed now. Then more housing hunting tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. Good night.

Found a place

So I have accepted this apartment I found on CL--have NOT signed the paperwork yet though. It's very spacious for San Francisco and only $2 a month more than what I'm paying now. The only thing that I'm kind of worrying about right now is that the windows are blurred. It's a ground floor apartment so for security the windows are bubbly. Basically, I can't see out the windows, but light comes through. I'm a little worried that this isn't the best situation for my birds. I really like them to be able to see out the window. I'm really torn right now because I'm not sure how many apartments I'll be offered in my price range where my birds will be allowed.

I know Angel really likes to look outside and see the other birds, but Charley doesn't seem to care one way or another. The only thing I can think of doing is either to change my mind about the apartment and start searching again, or to take my birds on walks in a carrier each week so they can see and be outside.

I'm feeling really torn about it right now and don't know what to do. Any suggestions? I think I'm still going to go to open houses this weekend to see what else is out there. :-\


UPDATE:
I went back to the area to check out the parking situation near the new place and actually ran into the guy who showed it to me, so I got to see the apartment again during the day and the windows open so my birds will be able to see out. YAY! I really liked the place even more in the daylight hours. I'm very excited to move in now. I sign the lease on Thursday so I can move in on Saturday :D

"The Lord works in mysterious ways"

My nana always says that quote in my title. Everything happens for a reason. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, given the stuff that's been going on.

Firstly, my sweet little baby is still having difficulties so I drove her back home to see the vet she used to see when I lived with my parents. He's much friendlier than the vets here in SF and more open minded about what could be wrong or going on with her. It also doesn't hurt that some of his costs are half what I'd paid at the SF vet. I'm definitely not wealthy and if I can be charged less, it means I will have more money for medicine or whatever else it is she needs.

I'm so tired right now so I apologize for how this is written.

Christmas came and went. I went to Christmas Mass and prayed for her to get better. I took her home and then shuttled her back and forth twice a day to the animal hospital to get shots. From there, we went to my parents' house, where I dropped her off at the vet she's with now, and a brief Monday Christmas, then flew to Southern California to visit with my grandparents. I was only there for about 1.5 days, but it was a nice visit and got to see some family I hadn't seen in a while.

I flew back up to my parents' place and left with my babies and my friend back to the city, where we went to a NYE party. We'd bought the tickets earlier in December, so even though I wasn't really feeling it, I kinda had to go. Turns out I had fun. It's the first NYE that I actually got to kiss my boyfriend at midnight. I also had the most alcohol I'd ever had in one night--two and a half drinks lol.

As kind of an aside, I don't always think I'm all that attractive, but when I saw the way my boyfriend's face lit up when he saw me all dressed up in my NYE outfit that I threw together at the last minute, I felt like a little tipsy princess. Thank God for $10 H&M dresses. :) Also, thank God for good guys.

So my friend from back home stayed with me for that whole weekend and we hung out and watched my little ones (she also has birds) and then on Monday I went back to work after not having been for two weeks of vacation.

I don't know if it was due to being outside on NYE, all the stress of traveling, not sleeping, going back to work, or what, but by Tuesday evening I was sick. Kinda hit me fast and hard. I'm still recovering from the cold right now.

Anyway, here's what I'm unsure about. On Wednesday night as I was leaving for the grocery store, I asked my friend/roommate if she wanted anything and after responding, told me that she needed to talk to me about something that I wasn't going to like. I thought it was going to be about something I'd done, like not running the dishwasher or taking out the trash. She ended up telling me she and her boyfriend are looking for places to move in together, which essentially means I need to move for the third time in the span of a year.

Thanks a lot, friend.

I never mentioned it here, but I moved to the city back in Feb/March of last year, had a horrendous living situation with a landlord who harassed everyone in the house, and moved out as fast as I could into the place I'm in now when shit really started hitting the fan. I moved in here at the end of July. My good friend was having trouble because her roommate was leaving because their lease was up and she wanted to stay here longer and was freaking out about her own living situation. That's when she invited me to look for housing together and eventually I just moved into her apartment, which was now month-to-month now that their initial year lease was up.

Anyway, I feel really gypped. She's known her boyfriend all of five months and me for two years. She knows everything I've been through with housing and when we moved in together assured me that I wouldn't have to move for a while, that I could finally settle down. Now, in my fifth month here, she's telling me I have to go through the moving process yet another time on top of all the other things that are going on. Then, somehow thinking this will make me feel better, she has the nerve to tell me that this is exactly what her former roommate had done to her. Bull effing shit! They lived together as roommates for at least two years, maybe three. She had time to suspect that her roommate and his SO would be moving in together at some point since they'd been dating 2 years. She had at LEAST a year to live in the place we're in now. This is NOTHING like what happened to her.

On the one hand, I'm furious at the situation. On the other hand, I'm furious at the situation.

Actually, not really anymore. I've mostly calmed down, although I don't really appreciate her trying to be nicer to me. Right now I'm just trying to channel my frustration into something positive. I've always wanted to live by myself. I've always had to share housing and rely on other people (roommates) to live where I'm living. Now I finally get a chance to search for a place where I can live by myself and not have to rely on others to make it so I don't have to move.

The thing that sucks the most, though, is that it's going to cost a huge amount of money. The city is expensive and I might move back to the other side of the Bridge. There's more parking, it's cheaper, and best of all, it's where my bf lives. I really don't know where I'm going to end up and I hate this feeling. I'm also afraid that property managers will see my address history, take one look at how many times I've moved in the past year, and reject my rental application. I desperately do not want to do the roommate thing again. Time and time again, experience has proven I can't trust people I don't know and I can't trust people I do know as roommates. For now I just want to rely on myself, and that's it.

With that, I'm going to sleep. My sinuses are killing me. X_x G'night y'all.

One of my sweet birds is sick and hospitalized right now. I've had her for 14 years and I love her so much. She's beautiful, has a pretty voice, is cute, sweet, silly, funny, all the wonderful things you could hope to have in a pet. Unfortunately she's going into seizures and the vets don't know what the cause is. They did blood work and x-rays and took cultures. The blood work came up normal and in the x-rays, there was something metallic looking in her lower torso/tummy area so they've got her on medication that's supposed to expel any harmful metals. If that's not the cause, then I'm not sure what could be wrong with her. I'm hoping that's what it is because then the seizures would stop.

When I called and told my parents, they kept telling me to take her out of the hospital because it was too expensive and she's "just a bird." She's been my friend for 14 years. She's NOT just a bird to me.

I'm really torn on what to do with her--if I should take her out of the hospital to save money (it's very expensive) and do as my parents say and let nature take its course, or if I should leave her there and spend the money so she can have a good rest of her life. After all, the blood work came up normal.

I don't actually know how old she is because I got her as an adult. She could very well be 20 years old or older. I don't know what happens at the end of a bird's life, what symptoms they start showing as they're ready to go. I wish I knew what to do in this situation. All I know is that I love her so much.

Sometimes you feel like a butt, sometimes you don't.

A rather smelly fellow boarded the bus today, and without hesitating, let me know exactly where in my body he'd like to stick it. According to his incoherent rant, "Sometimes bitches need it up the asshole." I think he and I will have to agree to disagree about this one.

I <3 the city.

I now have rain boots

Now to find the puddles.

ARG, LLC

Let me first start off by saying I love my job. The people I work with are great and the job itself is fun. The main thing that causes me the most grief at work is the studio situation. To do my job, I need access to a studio so I can edit media, record audio, produce live events, etc. The studio I use is shared with a few companies and therein lies the problem.

We're supposed to officially reserve the studio whenever we need it before we use it. Today I was recording and my coworker had set everything up--as part of her job, she always reserves it for me whenever I will be using it, but even so, people have barged in during my time in there. They knock loudly on the door during live events, come in without knocking, barge in when the DO NOT DISTURB sign is up, etc. Then when I'm not in there, they also use my equipment which clearly has a "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH" sign on it, move my stuff around so I have to hunt for it, and other stuff like that. My coworker and I tried so hard to get someone to send out an email about this because it had gotten to the point where it needed to be addressed because it was affecting my job. Unfortunately the main office staff weren't very responsive and when they finally sent out an email, they mentioned my department specifically in an email that was meant to be hypothetical in nature and not pointing any fingers.

It's important to note the history of trouble my team has been having with this studio. Basically, I feel like people have not been taking my job responsibilities seriously by their lack of respect for the rules associated with the studio. (And I will also say that there have been times when I haven't returned the key on time, but I don't barge in on people and reserve the studio even if I only need it for a brief time.)

So I was in the studio today working on a conference call when I heard someone unlocking the door. Thinking the studio is reserved ahead of time for me and having a history of being barged in on, I immediately got irritated. Then the guy who was opening the door pushes it open hard enough that it smacks into the wall, where he proceeds to hold it open while all the nearby office conversations come flooding into the room.

I was doing a live recording and he was making tons of noise (and/or letting a bunch of noise in), so naturally I turned and told him I needed it quiet. He just stood there and looked at me and I might've asked him to leave at that point, but he just stood there not responding. He told me he needed to get his stuff out, but I had no idea how long that was going to take so I told him no. Plus, I was mid-recording so I couldn't just stop and talk to him, I WAS BUSY AND HE WAS DISTRACTING ME. Anyway, I ended up telling him that he could move his stuff out but ended with a "But can you hurry up because I am on a call?" and pointed to the phone on my ear.

Instead of getting his equipment, he slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. Then he went up and told on me to the lady in the office, who then came down to tell me I had NOT reserved the studio and that he needed to get his stuff out. I ended up being able to stay while he got his stuff out of the room (which was loud and distracting, just like I imagined it would be). I apologized to him at least twice for what I thought was a mix-up in reservations. He wouldn't even look me in the eye when he accepted the apologies.

After he left I logged into my email, ready to tell my co-worker what had happened and to verify that she had in fact reserved it for me, and sitting in my inbox was an email from the office lady asking if I was in the studio because my name wasn't there and someone had tried to get in and how they were senior level and I was "quite rude" to them and that they were "not happy." Evidently she'd emailed me before coming down.

I was so upset when I read that email. I never meant to be rude to the man who disrupted my session--I just wanted to work in peace so I could get my stuff done on time and go home. I was trying to be assertive and direct. The wording of her email made me feel like she thought I'd acted like a monster. And it was completely inappropriate to bring in his "level" with his company. Level should have nothing to do with cases of being "rude" to someone. She made it sound like it's more of an offense to be rude to higher level people than it is to lower level workers. Did she think I was going to stop and ask what his title was before I asked him to leave because he was disrupting my work?!

Later, I thought about it and realized she'd only taken HIS side. She was going off telling me what I did and she wasn't even there to witness it! Of course he wasn't going to say that he came in loudly and roughed up the door. If he hadn't been so loud, I wouldn't have been so distracted by it and wanting him to get out so badly.

Anyway, it turns out my coworker HAD reserved the space, and not only reserved it, but talked to the guy (different from the guy who barged in) who needed to use it most of the day to make sure that he knew we would be using it at that time. Unfortunately she didn't have an email confirmation for the reservation.

ARG.

Later on in the day I talked to my HR person because I felt so bad I was nearly in tears. I kept thinking I had genuinely hurt this man's feelings, and wanted to apologize again in email but every time I tried to type something out, it came out sounding like I felt it wasn't my fault. I wanted my HR person to help draft an email, but she recommended I apologize in person so my words can't be misconstrued. She also said she'd talk to the office lady to see what was going on. I now realize that his feelings weren't hurt, he was just pissed at me for trying to get him out of the room. Now that I've removed myself from the situation, I don't believe everything is my fault. I think he was being rude by coming in the way he did. I think the office lady was being rude and handled things improperly by sending me that email. Next time I'll try to be friendly when I'm getting barged in on.

Jeez. Even now I sound passive aggressive about it. "Dear Man, I'm sorry I was irritated when you disrupted my recording session."

It's like you have to be some entirely different fake person, who is bothered by nothing at work. I really just need to learn what to do in those situations to get what I need for my job and to appease the other person. I guess there's a fine line between trying to stick up for yourself and having someone thinking you're a bitch.

Burlesque

You know you have a good boyfriend when he agrees (after minimal pleading) to see a movie with you that stars both Cher and Christina Aguilera.

Can't wait to see Christina sing!

health and deficiencies

Hi.

I found out today that I'm deficient in vitamin D. I only have a vague idea of how to read the diagnostics sheet my doctor gave me, but I'm about half of the lower side of the range for vitamin D. As my doctor said, my vitamin D levels are "in the shitter." I read a statistic online saying 85% of people are deficient in D. (Whether the stat is accurate or not is another story.) My doctor says if I don't do anything about it, that is, take a supplement or sun myself, that it will turn into osteoporosis when I'm older and possibly some other things. He didn't exactly say I'd get the big C, but asked if breast cancer runs in the family, which it does. Then he said women with high levels of vitamin D are less likely to get it. The ironic thing is that I've been going to great lengths to steer clear of the sun so as to avoid another cancer--skin cancer.

When you're young, you never think anything you do (or don't do) will catch up with you. And that being strict about certain things will make you live forever. I'm still young, but I'm beginning to see some symptoms of my life's choices catching up with me. I'm feeling fortunate that I have health care and that I can go to the doctor and be tested for important things like this. (The first thing I did after my appointment was buy D supplements.)

I'm going to go now to check on my baking yam. Incidentally, I've also added more fiber to my diet.