September 29, 2011
July 11, 2011
Don't call me baby
Yesterday evening, the same guy who broke my heart into more pieces than I'd like to count and then didn't speak to me for about two years, IM'd me. Every so often he'd Like links I'd posted on Facebook, but other than that, no phone calls, no emails, texts, or any kind of communication, which is something with which I was COMPLETELY satisfied. In fact, I encouraged the lack of communication. I ignored the shit out of him--never responded to his Likes, haven't looked at his Facebook in over 2 years, etc.
Normally when so much time has gone by without speaking, one would think you'd start out a conversation with something like, "Hi, long time no talk. How have you been?" That's how I would start out a conversation with someone I haven't spoken to in years, but not this guy. I didn't get a "Hi." I didn't get a "Hey what's up?" I got a "baaaayyyyyybbbbbyyyyyy."
What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?!
I wanted to say something snarky with just enough sass that I didn't come off as still angry at him lest he get an idea in his head that I pine for him. I wanted to come off classy, witty and end up with the upper hand. Unfortunately, the only response I could muster was physical; my bowels twisted and turned and my head began to ache. Shortly after, my boyfriend picked me up and I escaped my apartment, leaving the IM unanswered.
Why would he do that? The last time he tried to IM me a couple of years ago, it was because he was visiting the area and just "figured [he] would say hi." My guess is he wanted me to ask him to come see me, but instead, I told him to bring an umbrella because it was raining lol. (Later, one of my friends told me she thought it was probably because he wanted to use me as a booty call, which, in hindsight, it might have been.)
God damn.
So why now? Did he just break up with a girlfriend and feel nostalgic about the time he and I shared? Did he have such a low opinion of me that he imagined I still had feelings for him after all this time and that I'd be there to boost his ego for him? Or was he going to start a conversation with me, so he could remind himself about how much he disliked our conversations and promptly ignore me just like the old days? Is he coming back to the area and trying to sweet talk me because he needs a warm body with a fine ass keeping a bed warm for him? Did he accidentally hit my name and IM me by mistake? Either way, I feel like an apology is in order.
If you don't have anything nice to say, how about not IMing me?
Normally when so much time has gone by without speaking, one would think you'd start out a conversation with something like, "Hi, long time no talk. How have you been?" That's how I would start out a conversation with someone I haven't spoken to in years, but not this guy. I didn't get a "Hi." I didn't get a "Hey what's up?" I got a "baaaayyyyyybbbbbyyyyyy."
What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?!
I wanted to say something snarky with just enough sass that I didn't come off as still angry at him lest he get an idea in his head that I pine for him. I wanted to come off classy, witty and end up with the upper hand. Unfortunately, the only response I could muster was physical; my bowels twisted and turned and my head began to ache. Shortly after, my boyfriend picked me up and I escaped my apartment, leaving the IM unanswered.
Why would he do that? The last time he tried to IM me a couple of years ago, it was because he was visiting the area and just "figured [he] would say hi." My guess is he wanted me to ask him to come see me, but instead, I told him to bring an umbrella because it was raining lol. (Later, one of my friends told me she thought it was probably because he wanted to use me as a booty call, which, in hindsight, it might have been.)
God damn.
So why now? Did he just break up with a girlfriend and feel nostalgic about the time he and I shared? Did he have such a low opinion of me that he imagined I still had feelings for him after all this time and that I'd be there to boost his ego for him? Or was he going to start a conversation with me, so he could remind himself about how much he disliked our conversations and promptly ignore me just like the old days? Is he coming back to the area and trying to sweet talk me because he needs a warm body with a fine ass keeping a bed warm for him? Did he accidentally hit my name and IM me by mistake? Either way, I feel like an apology is in order.
If you don't have anything nice to say, how about not IMing me?
June 7, 2011
March 11, 2011
If you don't have anything nice to say...make something up?
Today I got a friend request from a girl I went to school with back in the day. I was in one class with her and really liked her, but I was shy so I never tried to be her friend outside of class. I was kind of excited that she'd sent me a request after all these years, but then I saw she had another reason for friending me--her mother was my grade school teacher and she was trying to get former students to give quotes on how great a teacher she was so she could incorporate it into a retirement card she was making her. It sounds like a great idea, right? So what's the problem?
I don't have fond memories of being her mother's student.
The memories I have of that school year include being reprimanded because I didn't know the rules of kickball (no one had ever taught me--including her!), being told my little sister had a big mouth, and having a gold star sticker peeled off my little score card because she'd made an error in calculating my score in a game (it wasn't like I had a wrong answer or anything--the game was based on chance). I was kind of afraid to be in her class. It was so bad that when word got around that she would be teaching the grade above us the following year, my mom was going to request that I didn't get her for my teacher.
God, I feel so terrible for feeling this way since her daughter seems like such a sweet person and years later, her mother would talk to me and was very nice. In her defense, she may have been going through a divorce at the time. I can imagine it must've been hard to go through that and teach a bunch of little kids. I know that I was a favorite student of hers and that it would mean a lot to her to see a quote from me on her card. I just don't know what to say.
I don't have fond memories of being her mother's student.
The memories I have of that school year include being reprimanded because I didn't know the rules of kickball (no one had ever taught me--including her!), being told my little sister had a big mouth, and having a gold star sticker peeled off my little score card because she'd made an error in calculating my score in a game (it wasn't like I had a wrong answer or anything--the game was based on chance). I was kind of afraid to be in her class. It was so bad that when word got around that she would be teaching the grade above us the following year, my mom was going to request that I didn't get her for my teacher.
God, I feel so terrible for feeling this way since her daughter seems like such a sweet person and years later, her mother would talk to me and was very nice. In her defense, she may have been going through a divorce at the time. I can imagine it must've been hard to go through that and teach a bunch of little kids. I know that I was a favorite student of hers and that it would mean a lot to her to see a quote from me on her card. I just don't know what to say.
February 5, 2011
Within the span of a week, my uncle and sweet little Angel have passed. My uncle is no longer handicapped and my birdy baby is flying with a flock of new friends. I'm not sure I believe in a heaven for myself, but I sure as hell believe in one for everyone I love. The thing I can't get out of my mind is that during the Mass for my uncle, the priest mentioned that my aunt had baptized him on his deathbed. Even though he'd been to church with the family, he never was baptized, but when he knew he was approaching the end, he requested it. I can't imagine what my aunt must have been going through when she baptized him, knowing what it represented. Saying she is a very strong woman is an understatement. She amazes me.
I hate even mentioning the next life issue since nothing is so permanent and heartbreaking as death--any other problem seems minuscule. It's just that my friend/roommate just gave me her 30-day notice on Tuesday while I was out of town for my uncle's services and then for work. I have until the beginning of March to find a new place to live. The housing search is slow-going, but I'm just going to have to try harder for a new place. I hid a St. Anthony prayer card a la my nana. Nothing yet, but something's gotta come up.
So that's what's been going on in my life. Talk to you later.
I hate even mentioning the next life issue since nothing is so permanent and heartbreaking as death--any other problem seems minuscule. It's just that my friend/roommate just gave me her 30-day notice on Tuesday while I was out of town for my uncle's services and then for work. I have until the beginning of March to find a new place to live. The housing search is slow-going, but I'm just going to have to try harder for a new place. I hid a St. Anthony prayer card a la my nana. Nothing yet, but something's gotta come up.
So that's what's been going on in my life. Talk to you later.
January 29, 2011
Well, that didn't work
The agent gave me the lease for the place I wanted and line #35 was a warning about hazardous materials being on the premises. When I asked what they were or where these materials were, he said he'd ask the owner, but basically my answer was, "They are not required by law to disclose that information." Then the pet agreement I had to sign basically said I would have to get a $1mil insurance policy for my two little birdies. When I asked them to waive it because it was excessive, the owner agreed it was excessive and said people usually got $300,000 policies for their pets and that that price would be OK. The only pet insurance I could find was for dogs and cats--NONE for birds. And then the largest sum of money they'd pay out is $700 for a $20/mo plan. I can't even imagine how much per month it would be for a $300k plan. No way was I going to sign off on either of those.
(Needless to say?) I did not accept the place. Luckily the agent was very understanding and actually waived the $50 fee that I should've had to have paid because they offered the place and I declined. Now I'm looking harder and probably going to move to the city. I don't know who's going to find a place first, my roommate & her bf or me. It's pretty stressful.
Also, my poor uncle just passed away after having been sick for years. I can't spend money to fly down there for the services since moving is going to cost several thousands of dollars, so I have to drive 7.5 hours with my family down to southern CA. My mom's stressed out and I'm getting mad because of the way everything's being handled re: the family. It's like my mom was surprised that my sister and I wanted to go. Like she expected us not to care enough to go down since we didn't live down there to know our uncle as well as we could have. I mean, she was happy/glad that we wanted to go, but it makes me wonder what all the other family will think. Both my sister and I were second-guessing our decision to go. Whenever we go down there to visit, our cousins and aunts are great and we all get along fine. I do sense a tension(?) though since my sister and I were brought up in a different area from the one they all grew up in. They bonded and grew up with each other and we didn't get to bond with many of them until we were older. I just don't want to be teary-eyed at the services and have my extended family think it's fake or something since I didn't know him as well as they did.
Just because you don't know someone well doesn't mean you can't feel sad and care that they're gone. It also doesn't mean that it doesn't break your heart to know that your family members have lost multiple immediate family members and that it's going to be painful to have to cope with another loss.
God, I really hope this "unwelcomeness" vibe we're getting is just in our heads, that it's just because she's stressed and overwhelmed and not dealing with her emotions. My sister and I really, really do care about our extended family and the last thing we'd want to do at a time like this is to appear like we're there because we thought we had to be.
It's time for bed now. Then more housing hunting tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. Good night.
(Needless to say?) I did not accept the place. Luckily the agent was very understanding and actually waived the $50 fee that I should've had to have paid because they offered the place and I declined. Now I'm looking harder and probably going to move to the city. I don't know who's going to find a place first, my roommate & her bf or me. It's pretty stressful.
Also, my poor uncle just passed away after having been sick for years. I can't spend money to fly down there for the services since moving is going to cost several thousands of dollars, so I have to drive 7.5 hours with my family down to southern CA. My mom's stressed out and I'm getting mad because of the way everything's being handled re: the family. It's like my mom was surprised that my sister and I wanted to go. Like she expected us not to care enough to go down since we didn't live down there to know our uncle as well as we could have. I mean, she was happy/glad that we wanted to go, but it makes me wonder what all the other family will think. Both my sister and I were second-guessing our decision to go. Whenever we go down there to visit, our cousins and aunts are great and we all get along fine. I do sense a tension(?) though since my sister and I were brought up in a different area from the one they all grew up in. They bonded and grew up with each other and we didn't get to bond with many of them until we were older. I just don't want to be teary-eyed at the services and have my extended family think it's fake or something since I didn't know him as well as they did.
Just because you don't know someone well doesn't mean you can't feel sad and care that they're gone. It also doesn't mean that it doesn't break your heart to know that your family members have lost multiple immediate family members and that it's going to be painful to have to cope with another loss.
God, I really hope this "unwelcomeness" vibe we're getting is just in our heads, that it's just because she's stressed and overwhelmed and not dealing with her emotions. My sister and I really, really do care about our extended family and the last thing we'd want to do at a time like this is to appear like we're there because we thought we had to be.
It's time for bed now. Then more housing hunting tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. Good night.
January 15, 2011
Found a place
So I have accepted this apartment I found on CL--have NOT signed the paperwork yet though. It's very spacious for San Francisco and only $2 a month more than what I'm paying now. The only thing that I'm kind of worrying about right now is that the windows are blurred. It's a ground floor apartment so for security the windows are bubbly. Basically, I can't see out the windows, but light comes through. I'm a little worried that this isn't the best situation for my birds. I really like them to be able to see out the window. I'm really torn right now because I'm not sure how many apartments I'll be offered in my price range where my birds will be allowed.
I know Angel really likes to look outside and see the other birds, but Charley doesn't seem to care one way or another. The only thing I can think of doing is either to change my mind about the apartment and start searching again, or to take my birds on walks in a carrier each week so they can see and be outside.
I'm feeling really torn about it right now and don't know what to do. Any suggestions? I think I'm still going to go to open houses this weekend to see what else is out there. :-\
UPDATE:
I went back to the area to check out the parking situation near the new place and actually ran into the guy who showed it to me, so I got to see the apartment again during the day and the windows open so my birds will be able to see out. YAY! I really liked the place even more in the daylight hours. I'm very excited to move in now. I sign the lease on Thursday so I can move in on Saturday :D
I know Angel really likes to look outside and see the other birds, but Charley doesn't seem to care one way or another. The only thing I can think of doing is either to change my mind about the apartment and start searching again, or to take my birds on walks in a carrier each week so they can see and be outside.
I'm feeling really torn about it right now and don't know what to do. Any suggestions? I think I'm still going to go to open houses this weekend to see what else is out there. :-\
UPDATE:
I went back to the area to check out the parking situation near the new place and actually ran into the guy who showed it to me, so I got to see the apartment again during the day and the windows open so my birds will be able to see out. YAY! I really liked the place even more in the daylight hours. I'm very excited to move in now. I sign the lease on Thursday so I can move in on Saturday :D
January 9, 2011
"The Lord works in mysterious ways"
My nana always says that quote in my title. Everything happens for a reason. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, given the stuff that's been going on.
Firstly, my sweet little baby is still having difficulties so I drove her back home to see the vet she used to see when I lived with my parents. He's much friendlier than the vets here in SF and more open minded about what could be wrong or going on with her. It also doesn't hurt that some of his costs are half what I'd paid at the SF vet. I'm definitely not wealthy and if I can be charged less, it means I will have more money for medicine or whatever else it is she needs.
I'm so tired right now so I apologize for how this is written.
Christmas came and went. I went to Christmas Mass and prayed for her to get better. I took her home and then shuttled her back and forth twice a day to the animal hospital to get shots. From there, we went to my parents' house, where I dropped her off at the vet she's with now, and a brief Monday Christmas, then flew to Southern California to visit with my grandparents. I was only there for about 1.5 days, but it was a nice visit and got to see some family I hadn't seen in a while.
I flew back up to my parents' place and left with my babies and my friend back to the city, where we went to a NYE party. We'd bought the tickets earlier in December, so even though I wasn't really feeling it, I kinda had to go. Turns out I had fun. It's the first NYE that I actually got to kiss my boyfriend at midnight. I also had the most alcohol I'd ever had in one night--two and a half drinks lol.
As kind of an aside, I don't always think I'm all that attractive, but when I saw the way my boyfriend's face lit up when he saw me all dressed up in my NYE outfit that I threw together at the last minute, I felt like a little tipsy princess. Thank God for $10 H&M dresses. :) Also, thank God for good guys.
So my friend from back home stayed with me for that whole weekend and we hung out and watched my little ones (she also has birds) and then on Monday I went back to work after not having been for two weeks of vacation.
I don't know if it was due to being outside on NYE, all the stress of traveling, not sleeping, going back to work, or what, but by Tuesday evening I was sick. Kinda hit me fast and hard. I'm still recovering from the cold right now.
Anyway, here's what I'm unsure about. On Wednesday night as I was leaving for the grocery store, I asked my friend/roommate if she wanted anything and after responding, told me that she needed to talk to me about something that I wasn't going to like. I thought it was going to be about something I'd done, like not running the dishwasher or taking out the trash. She ended up telling me she and her boyfriend are looking for places to move in together, which essentially means I need to move for the third time in the span of a year.
Thanks a lot, friend.
I never mentioned it here, but I moved to the city back in Feb/March of last year, had a horrendous living situation with a landlord who harassed everyone in the house, and moved out as fast as I could into the place I'm in now when shit really started hitting the fan. I moved in here at the end of July. My good friend was having trouble because her roommate was leaving because their lease was up and she wanted to stay here longer and was freaking out about her own living situation. That's when she invited me to look for housing together and eventually I just moved into her apartment, which was now month-to-month now that their initial year lease was up.
Anyway, I feel really gypped. She's known her boyfriend all of five months and me for two years. She knows everything I've been through with housing and when we moved in together assured me that I wouldn't have to move for a while, that I could finally settle down. Now, in my fifth month here, she's telling me I have to go through the moving process yet another time on top of all the other things that are going on. Then, somehow thinking this will make me feel better, she has the nerve to tell me that this is exactly what her former roommate had done to her. Bull effing shit! They lived together as roommates for at least two years, maybe three. She had time to suspect that her roommate and his SO would be moving in together at some point since they'd been dating 2 years. She had at LEAST a year to live in the place we're in now. This is NOTHING like what happened to her.
On the one hand, I'm furious at the situation. On the other hand, I'm furious at the situation.
Actually, not really anymore. I've mostly calmed down, although I don't really appreciate her trying to be nicer to me. Right now I'm just trying to channel my frustration into something positive. I've always wanted to live by myself. I've always had to share housing and rely on other people (roommates) to live where I'm living. Now I finally get a chance to search for a place where I can live by myself and not have to rely on others to make it so I don't have to move.
The thing that sucks the most, though, is that it's going to cost a huge amount of money. The city is expensive and I might move back to the other side of the Bridge. There's more parking, it's cheaper, and best of all, it's where my bf lives. I really don't know where I'm going to end up and I hate this feeling. I'm also afraid that property managers will see my address history, take one look at how many times I've moved in the past year, and reject my rental application. I desperately do not want to do the roommate thing again. Time and time again, experience has proven I can't trust people I don't know and I can't trust people I do know as roommates. For now I just want to rely on myself, and that's it.
With that, I'm going to sleep. My sinuses are killing me. X_x G'night y'all.
Firstly, my sweet little baby is still having difficulties so I drove her back home to see the vet she used to see when I lived with my parents. He's much friendlier than the vets here in SF and more open minded about what could be wrong or going on with her. It also doesn't hurt that some of his costs are half what I'd paid at the SF vet. I'm definitely not wealthy and if I can be charged less, it means I will have more money for medicine or whatever else it is she needs.
I'm so tired right now so I apologize for how this is written.
Christmas came and went. I went to Christmas Mass and prayed for her to get better. I took her home and then shuttled her back and forth twice a day to the animal hospital to get shots. From there, we went to my parents' house, where I dropped her off at the vet she's with now, and a brief Monday Christmas, then flew to Southern California to visit with my grandparents. I was only there for about 1.5 days, but it was a nice visit and got to see some family I hadn't seen in a while.
I flew back up to my parents' place and left with my babies and my friend back to the city, where we went to a NYE party. We'd bought the tickets earlier in December, so even though I wasn't really feeling it, I kinda had to go. Turns out I had fun. It's the first NYE that I actually got to kiss my boyfriend at midnight. I also had the most alcohol I'd ever had in one night--two and a half drinks lol.
As kind of an aside, I don't always think I'm all that attractive, but when I saw the way my boyfriend's face lit up when he saw me all dressed up in my NYE outfit that I threw together at the last minute, I felt like a little tipsy princess. Thank God for $10 H&M dresses. :) Also, thank God for good guys.
So my friend from back home stayed with me for that whole weekend and we hung out and watched my little ones (she also has birds) and then on Monday I went back to work after not having been for two weeks of vacation.
I don't know if it was due to being outside on NYE, all the stress of traveling, not sleeping, going back to work, or what, but by Tuesday evening I was sick. Kinda hit me fast and hard. I'm still recovering from the cold right now.
Anyway, here's what I'm unsure about. On Wednesday night as I was leaving for the grocery store, I asked my friend/roommate if she wanted anything and after responding, told me that she needed to talk to me about something that I wasn't going to like. I thought it was going to be about something I'd done, like not running the dishwasher or taking out the trash. She ended up telling me she and her boyfriend are looking for places to move in together, which essentially means I need to move for the third time in the span of a year.
Thanks a lot, friend.
I never mentioned it here, but I moved to the city back in Feb/March of last year, had a horrendous living situation with a landlord who harassed everyone in the house, and moved out as fast as I could into the place I'm in now when shit really started hitting the fan. I moved in here at the end of July. My good friend was having trouble because her roommate was leaving because their lease was up and she wanted to stay here longer and was freaking out about her own living situation. That's when she invited me to look for housing together and eventually I just moved into her apartment, which was now month-to-month now that their initial year lease was up.
Anyway, I feel really gypped. She's known her boyfriend all of five months and me for two years. She knows everything I've been through with housing and when we moved in together assured me that I wouldn't have to move for a while, that I could finally settle down. Now, in my fifth month here, she's telling me I have to go through the moving process yet another time on top of all the other things that are going on. Then, somehow thinking this will make me feel better, she has the nerve to tell me that this is exactly what her former roommate had done to her. Bull effing shit! They lived together as roommates for at least two years, maybe three. She had time to suspect that her roommate and his SO would be moving in together at some point since they'd been dating 2 years. She had at LEAST a year to live in the place we're in now. This is NOTHING like what happened to her.
On the one hand, I'm furious at the situation. On the other hand, I'm furious at the situation.
Actually, not really anymore. I've mostly calmed down, although I don't really appreciate her trying to be nicer to me. Right now I'm just trying to channel my frustration into something positive. I've always wanted to live by myself. I've always had to share housing and rely on other people (roommates) to live where I'm living. Now I finally get a chance to search for a place where I can live by myself and not have to rely on others to make it so I don't have to move.
The thing that sucks the most, though, is that it's going to cost a huge amount of money. The city is expensive and I might move back to the other side of the Bridge. There's more parking, it's cheaper, and best of all, it's where my bf lives. I really don't know where I'm going to end up and I hate this feeling. I'm also afraid that property managers will see my address history, take one look at how many times I've moved in the past year, and reject my rental application. I desperately do not want to do the roommate thing again. Time and time again, experience has proven I can't trust people I don't know and I can't trust people I do know as roommates. For now I just want to rely on myself, and that's it.
With that, I'm going to sleep. My sinuses are killing me. X_x G'night y'all.
December 24, 2010
One of my sweet birds is sick and hospitalized right now. I've had her for 14 years and I love her so much. She's beautiful, has a pretty voice, is cute, sweet, silly, funny, all the wonderful things you could hope to have in a pet. Unfortunately she's going into seizures and the vets don't know what the cause is. They did blood work and x-rays and took cultures. The blood work came up normal and in the x-rays, there was something metallic looking in her lower torso/tummy area so they've got her on medication that's supposed to expel any harmful metals. If that's not the cause, then I'm not sure what could be wrong with her. I'm hoping that's what it is because then the seizures would stop.
When I called and told my parents, they kept telling me to take her out of the hospital because it was too expensive and she's "just a bird." She's been my friend for 14 years. She's NOT just a bird to me.
I'm really torn on what to do with her--if I should take her out of the hospital to save money (it's very expensive) and do as my parents say and let nature take its course, or if I should leave her there and spend the money so she can have a good rest of her life. After all, the blood work came up normal.
I don't actually know how old she is because I got her as an adult. She could very well be 20 years old or older. I don't know what happens at the end of a bird's life, what symptoms they start showing as they're ready to go. I wish I knew what to do in this situation. All I know is that I love her so much.
When I called and told my parents, they kept telling me to take her out of the hospital because it was too expensive and she's "just a bird." She's been my friend for 14 years. She's NOT just a bird to me.
I'm really torn on what to do with her--if I should take her out of the hospital to save money (it's very expensive) and do as my parents say and let nature take its course, or if I should leave her there and spend the money so she can have a good rest of her life. After all, the blood work came up normal.
I don't actually know how old she is because I got her as an adult. She could very well be 20 years old or older. I don't know what happens at the end of a bird's life, what symptoms they start showing as they're ready to go. I wish I knew what to do in this situation. All I know is that I love her so much.
December 20, 2010
Sometimes you feel like a butt, sometimes you don't.
A rather smelly fellow boarded the bus today, and without hesitating, let me know exactly where in my body he'd like to stick it. According to his incoherent rant, "Sometimes bitches need it up the asshole." I think he and I will have to agree to disagree about this one.
I <3 the city.
I <3 the city.
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