I'm in a book club now with mid-to-late 20-something girls/women at work. I READ now. Oh my effing gee.
<3
January 19, 2012
Mayor Baby or Baby Mayor
My friend and I are going to this concert in the summer and it turns out this band called Mayer Hawthorne is also on the bill. A former bf (from the entry where he IM'd me and called me baby and I ran away from the IM lol) is working and possibly traveling with that group as one of his recent gigs so I may end up running into him. I'm not sure I know what I'd do if that happened. I have a history of never seeing a BF in person after we've broken up. I talk to one every so often online, but never actually see them face to face. I've definitely avoided this one like The Plague. I'm not even sure that I'd be able to act like a normal person if I saw him in front of me. I've changed a lot since I was 25 and in "love" with him, but seeing him may bring me back to the (more) awkward girl I was back then.
WHY GOD WHY? etc
I keep running these scenarios through my head where I see him but play it cool by teasing him about the sound for the opening band being bad (which would be partially his responsibility) to scenarios where I go diva on him and give him attitude for treating me the way he did while we were together. He was 25 at the time we dated, too, so maybe he's learned some lessons himself. Even though I was extremely disappointed by the way things ended, deep down I always wanted to at least be friends with him--but NEVER on his terms. I wanted him to apologize and WANT to be my friend rather than being my friend because it was convenient for him. No matter what shit he pulled, I'd just want to be given the opportunity to forgive him because he was sorry. Face to face, not over instant message.
At least I have an incredibly smart and attractive boyfriend now. He's almost five years younger than me and has a lot of learning to do, but I guess I don't mind too much being a cougar. It's just too bad he's getting his MA in England and won't be in town for the concert.
In other news, because of this potentially uncomfortable situation, the ex bf's new code name is Mayor Baby or Baby Mayor. Haven't really decided yet.
WHY GOD WHY? etc
I keep running these scenarios through my head where I see him but play it cool by teasing him about the sound for the opening band being bad (which would be partially his responsibility) to scenarios where I go diva on him and give him attitude for treating me the way he did while we were together. He was 25 at the time we dated, too, so maybe he's learned some lessons himself. Even though I was extremely disappointed by the way things ended, deep down I always wanted to at least be friends with him--but NEVER on his terms. I wanted him to apologize and WANT to be my friend rather than being my friend because it was convenient for him. No matter what shit he pulled, I'd just want to be given the opportunity to forgive him because he was sorry. Face to face, not over instant message.
At least I have an incredibly smart and attractive boyfriend now. He's almost five years younger than me and has a lot of learning to do, but I guess I don't mind too much being a cougar. It's just too bad he's getting his MA in England and won't be in town for the concert.
In other news, because of this potentially uncomfortable situation, the ex bf's new code name is Mayor Baby or Baby Mayor. Haven't really decided yet.
January 14, 2012
dream log
Last night I had a dream that I was at some type of festival. There were tons of booths and, for some odd reason, classrooms. I walked into one of the classroom and there was this man who I can only remember as being Simon Cowell-esque. I think he was a teacher from my past with whom I'd had a love/hate relationship. I remember he was extra hard on me but I was one of his favorites (kind of like this professor I had in college). When I walked into the classroom, things were set up like a normal classroom--desks for students, a chalkboard up front, and a teacher's desk to the side. There were items hung on the walls and what I guess were class art projects hanging from the ceiling.
As I looked closer at the walls, I noticed that some of the wall decor were actually my old wall calendars from years past. They had all these appointments, dates, notes to myself, indicators of when I was having my periods, etc. marked on them for everyone to see. I have no idea how he'd found the calendars or why he'd hung them on the walls, but somehow I wasn't freaked out about it. In the dream, it was odd just how it would be in real life, but it wasn't creepy. In fact, I almost walked out and just left my whole personal life out on those walls for everyone to see, but I think I was with someone who gave me the idea to start pulling them off the wall and taking them with me when I left.
The next dream scene was walking somewhere on the festival grounds where I was with friends. We wanted some ice cream so we stopped at this booth that looked like a convenience store. I remember it being really hard to get the ice cream, like they'd run out of it. I think I ended up with something that wasn't ice cream but was supposed to be, but that part isn't really important.
After the festival, I think I had a new dream, but it kind of had a similar theme of people stealing my shit lol. So I think my sister and I were at my parents' house hanging out on the front deck during the summer. We could tell someone was in the house, but didn't know who it was. My sister was her 11 or 12 year old self in this dream, but she's the brave one who checked to see who was inside. I peered in the window and everything was kind of dark, but I could see a silhouette of a man putting his hand into the bird cage and bringing out my birdy. At this point I thought it was my dad but my sister came out and told me it was CJ, the stalker/sexual harasser I had in and after college.
Just like in the other dream when I was faced with complete creepiness, I didn't experience any kind of reaction to it in my dream. I was completely calm, despite the fact that I wanted him OUT. I walked inside, and made sure he wasn't still holding my bird. On the floor by the kitchen/dining room (which is right near the front door entrance), I saw this pile of my things. Evidently he'd snuck into my room while I was in college and stole some of my belongings to keep as little souvenirs. It was a bunch of random things that I might have even had as a child and not necessarily in college. Before I went through the pile, I looked at him and told him to get out and to leave me alone. It was almost like he was a ghost or evil spirit because as soon as I told him to leave, I felt that he had to, like my word was stronger than any power he had. Just like that, he vanished.
I began sorting through the pile of things he'd left on the floor--there was this toy purse/pouch that I unzipped and found an old dishrag in, an unopened bag of socks that were new. The stuff that he'd stolen was stuff from my childhood. It was strange. I know this because I looked at my 11/12 year old sister when I found the pouch/purse thingie and was wondering if she'd remembered it because it was something that we used to play with when we were younger. The socks were these colored cotton socks that I used to wear when I was in middle school or junior high, but wouldn't wear now. I have no clue why the dishrag with the giant hole in it was in the pile lol. I think it was my mom's. I woke up as I was looking through the pile.
I'm not exactly sure yet what my dreams mean, but I just wanted to write them down before I forgot. I definitely have some odd things floating around in my head when I get enough sleep to be able to access them.
As I looked closer at the walls, I noticed that some of the wall decor were actually my old wall calendars from years past. They had all these appointments, dates, notes to myself, indicators of when I was having my periods, etc. marked on them for everyone to see. I have no idea how he'd found the calendars or why he'd hung them on the walls, but somehow I wasn't freaked out about it. In the dream, it was odd just how it would be in real life, but it wasn't creepy. In fact, I almost walked out and just left my whole personal life out on those walls for everyone to see, but I think I was with someone who gave me the idea to start pulling them off the wall and taking them with me when I left.
The next dream scene was walking somewhere on the festival grounds where I was with friends. We wanted some ice cream so we stopped at this booth that looked like a convenience store. I remember it being really hard to get the ice cream, like they'd run out of it. I think I ended up with something that wasn't ice cream but was supposed to be, but that part isn't really important.
After the festival, I think I had a new dream, but it kind of had a similar theme of people stealing my shit lol. So I think my sister and I were at my parents' house hanging out on the front deck during the summer. We could tell someone was in the house, but didn't know who it was. My sister was her 11 or 12 year old self in this dream, but she's the brave one who checked to see who was inside. I peered in the window and everything was kind of dark, but I could see a silhouette of a man putting his hand into the bird cage and bringing out my birdy. At this point I thought it was my dad but my sister came out and told me it was CJ, the stalker/sexual harasser I had in and after college.
Just like in the other dream when I was faced with complete creepiness, I didn't experience any kind of reaction to it in my dream. I was completely calm, despite the fact that I wanted him OUT. I walked inside, and made sure he wasn't still holding my bird. On the floor by the kitchen/dining room (which is right near the front door entrance), I saw this pile of my things. Evidently he'd snuck into my room while I was in college and stole some of my belongings to keep as little souvenirs. It was a bunch of random things that I might have even had as a child and not necessarily in college. Before I went through the pile, I looked at him and told him to get out and to leave me alone. It was almost like he was a ghost or evil spirit because as soon as I told him to leave, I felt that he had to, like my word was stronger than any power he had. Just like that, he vanished.
I began sorting through the pile of things he'd left on the floor--there was this toy purse/pouch that I unzipped and found an old dishrag in, an unopened bag of socks that were new. The stuff that he'd stolen was stuff from my childhood. It was strange. I know this because I looked at my 11/12 year old sister when I found the pouch/purse thingie and was wondering if she'd remembered it because it was something that we used to play with when we were younger. The socks were these colored cotton socks that I used to wear when I was in middle school or junior high, but wouldn't wear now. I have no clue why the dishrag with the giant hole in it was in the pile lol. I think it was my mom's. I woke up as I was looking through the pile.
I'm not exactly sure yet what my dreams mean, but I just wanted to write them down before I forgot. I definitely have some odd things floating around in my head when I get enough sleep to be able to access them.
December 29, 2011
favors for friends
I'm pretty sure I'm breaking up with the person I've considered to be my best friend for the past 13 years. We've been growing apart, and as I've gotten older, I've realized the things that used to annoy me about her aren't really things that I want to deal with anymore. She can be moody, very bossy, and at times condescending like she's the adult and knows best. Mostly everyone I've told about my trip abroad to visit her has said she's lucky I was still her friend after that trip. Long story short, a mutual friend and I went to visit her and she kicked us out of her apartment on the first night in town because we were whispering while she was trying to sleep. She never even asked us to quiet down--I honestly thought she couldn't hear us with the fans/air conditioning blowing. It was a non-English speaking country and we were afraid so we basically had to submit to her anger over the whole situation because we knew no one and she was the only one who could help us get a hotel, etc. My guess is that she wasn't just pissed about us having been whispering, but from a mistake she'd made earlier in the trip where she showed up a day early to the airport to pick us up. I didn't apologize about it because it wasn't my fault she'd misread the itinerary; I have a feeling she was mad that I hadn't apologized and frustrated that she'd messed up. I've never seen her as rude and almost cruel as she was during that trip.
That was three years ago. Eventually after that trip I started talking to her again, but at first I would only respond to her, not initiate anything. Eventually time healed that wound and we were friends again. She came out to where I lived the next year and stayed for a few days. She was still bossy and kind of rude during that trip. Then she came a couple of years later and I introduced her to my new friends. Out came the rudeness again. She was mean to my boyfriend and my male friend.
Maybe the only reason I've been able to be friends with her is because of the distance. We've never lived in the same city, or state for that matter.
A few months ago she asked me for a favor. She wanted to know if I could empty out her storage. I drove out to her storage facility and went through and took pictures of all the things in the space, opened the boxes--everything. I uploaded all the photos and had her tell me what she wanted to keep and what I should get rid of. I made multiple trips back and forth and lived for a couple of months with her stuff sitting in my kitchen and in my car trunk while I tried to organize it and pack it for shipping.
Her dad sent me some money to pay for shipping. Unfortunately the first check he sent got stuck in the ATM when I tried to deposit it and the bank said they couldn't get it out. He sent another one for twice as much and with a note saying it was a bonus for me. Then the bank ended up getting the check out of the ATM somehow and deposited it in my account. She also sent me a check for shipping. This is where the trouble started.
Since I still had more stuff to mail her I gave her two options: 1.) I could write her dad a check for the amount of money in the first check since it had been found and deposited or 2.) I could rip up the check she had sent me since it was the same amount as her dad's first check and she could pay him back for me since I was spending that amount on shipping her things to her. Basically I'd be saying that since I owed her dad X dollars and she owed me X dollars, that she could just repay her dad to cover my debt to him. She told me to rip up her check, which meant she chose option 2.
I ended up spending all the money he'd sent, minus the "bonus."
Last week she came to visit me. I still had some boxes of her stuff in my kitchen and car but kept them so she could go through them and maybe carry some back with her to save on shipping. Instead, she just ended up mailing the packages to her house. She asked me if she was going to be able to use the money her dad had sent me, but I told her that it was all gone from all the other packages I'd sent, so she'd have to send it using her own money. Finally all the packages were sent and the only stuff that was left was a box to go to Goodwill and a bag of papers I told her I'd shred for her. I didn't feel like she should be spending her vacation in CA shredding her documents. I was doing her another favor.
So the day after she gets back home I get an email from her saying that she's talking to her dad and that he wants to remind me to send him a reimbursement check for the one that had been lost and then found and deposited...the same check that SHE was supposed to pay back since I'd ripped up the check she'd written me. She said he said I could also just send the money to HER. WTF?! I was so pissed when I read that. It seemed the only part of my email that stuck in her brain was the part about ripping up her check. She never even told her dad that she was supposed to pay him back since I hadn't deposited her check. She just didn't want to have to pay out of her own pocket.
This is weeks after he'd sent me the replacement check with my "bonus." So in this picture, it looks like I'm a crook who's holding his money hostage. I gathered all my receipts from the Post Office from shipping her stuff and attached them to an email reminding her that by telling me to rip up the check she's sent that she was agreeing to pay her dad back for that first "lost" check. I wrote a paragraph explaining the checks, the receipt totals, and the "bonus," including a direct quote from the handwritten note her dad had included with the replacement check.
Her response back to me completely ignored the part where she was responsible for repaying her dad and went straight to "I didn't realize you thought you were keeping it as a bonus" and ended with her saying she'd talk to her dad about it and how she didn't think he'd have a problem with my keeping that original money--the money SHE was supposed to pay him back. She made it seem like I had read some freaking tea leaves and they told me I could keep the money, or, that I felt entitled to keep it so I kept it. I didn't ASK for reimbursement! Her dad is the one who wrote the note with that "bonus" included! She's making it seem like I'm asking for money and she's also acting like I'm not believable. Most of all, she's just ignoring the parts where she has to claim some responsibility in the situation.
Fuck it. I'm just so tired of this bullshit. It's so offensive that I did all this work for her and spent all this time going through her dusty, moldy shit, just to have her not communicate clearly with her dad about the money he sent over and to make me look untrustworthy by not having sent him his money back. I did her a fucking favor. The least she could have done was to own up to having to pay her dad the $50. That would be the right thing to do. It's not even about the money at this point. I could take or leave $50. It's about how you're supposed to treat your friends when they're trying to help you out.
That was three years ago. Eventually after that trip I started talking to her again, but at first I would only respond to her, not initiate anything. Eventually time healed that wound and we were friends again. She came out to where I lived the next year and stayed for a few days. She was still bossy and kind of rude during that trip. Then she came a couple of years later and I introduced her to my new friends. Out came the rudeness again. She was mean to my boyfriend and my male friend.
Maybe the only reason I've been able to be friends with her is because of the distance. We've never lived in the same city, or state for that matter.
A few months ago she asked me for a favor. She wanted to know if I could empty out her storage. I drove out to her storage facility and went through and took pictures of all the things in the space, opened the boxes--everything. I uploaded all the photos and had her tell me what she wanted to keep and what I should get rid of. I made multiple trips back and forth and lived for a couple of months with her stuff sitting in my kitchen and in my car trunk while I tried to organize it and pack it for shipping.
Her dad sent me some money to pay for shipping. Unfortunately the first check he sent got stuck in the ATM when I tried to deposit it and the bank said they couldn't get it out. He sent another one for twice as much and with a note saying it was a bonus for me. Then the bank ended up getting the check out of the ATM somehow and deposited it in my account. She also sent me a check for shipping. This is where the trouble started.
Since I still had more stuff to mail her I gave her two options: 1.) I could write her dad a check for the amount of money in the first check since it had been found and deposited or 2.) I could rip up the check she had sent me since it was the same amount as her dad's first check and she could pay him back for me since I was spending that amount on shipping her things to her. Basically I'd be saying that since I owed her dad X dollars and she owed me X dollars, that she could just repay her dad to cover my debt to him. She told me to rip up her check, which meant she chose option 2.
I ended up spending all the money he'd sent, minus the "bonus."
Last week she came to visit me. I still had some boxes of her stuff in my kitchen and car but kept them so she could go through them and maybe carry some back with her to save on shipping. Instead, she just ended up mailing the packages to her house. She asked me if she was going to be able to use the money her dad had sent me, but I told her that it was all gone from all the other packages I'd sent, so she'd have to send it using her own money. Finally all the packages were sent and the only stuff that was left was a box to go to Goodwill and a bag of papers I told her I'd shred for her. I didn't feel like she should be spending her vacation in CA shredding her documents. I was doing her another favor.
So the day after she gets back home I get an email from her saying that she's talking to her dad and that he wants to remind me to send him a reimbursement check for the one that had been lost and then found and deposited...the same check that SHE was supposed to pay back since I'd ripped up the check she'd written me. She said he said I could also just send the money to HER. WTF?! I was so pissed when I read that. It seemed the only part of my email that stuck in her brain was the part about ripping up her check. She never even told her dad that she was supposed to pay him back since I hadn't deposited her check. She just didn't want to have to pay out of her own pocket.
This is weeks after he'd sent me the replacement check with my "bonus." So in this picture, it looks like I'm a crook who's holding his money hostage. I gathered all my receipts from the Post Office from shipping her stuff and attached them to an email reminding her that by telling me to rip up the check she's sent that she was agreeing to pay her dad back for that first "lost" check. I wrote a paragraph explaining the checks, the receipt totals, and the "bonus," including a direct quote from the handwritten note her dad had included with the replacement check.
Her response back to me completely ignored the part where she was responsible for repaying her dad and went straight to "I didn't realize you thought you were keeping it as a bonus" and ended with her saying she'd talk to her dad about it and how she didn't think he'd have a problem with my keeping that original money--the money SHE was supposed to pay him back. She made it seem like I had read some freaking tea leaves and they told me I could keep the money, or, that I felt entitled to keep it so I kept it. I didn't ASK for reimbursement! Her dad is the one who wrote the note with that "bonus" included! She's making it seem like I'm asking for money and she's also acting like I'm not believable. Most of all, she's just ignoring the parts where she has to claim some responsibility in the situation.
Fuck it. I'm just so tired of this bullshit. It's so offensive that I did all this work for her and spent all this time going through her dusty, moldy shit, just to have her not communicate clearly with her dad about the money he sent over and to make me look untrustworthy by not having sent him his money back. I did her a fucking favor. The least she could have done was to own up to having to pay her dad the $50. That would be the right thing to do. It's not even about the money at this point. I could take or leave $50. It's about how you're supposed to treat your friends when they're trying to help you out.
September 29, 2011
July 11, 2011
Don't call me baby
Yesterday evening, the same guy who broke my heart into more pieces than I'd like to count and then didn't speak to me for about two years, IM'd me. Every so often he'd Like links I'd posted on Facebook, but other than that, no phone calls, no emails, texts, or any kind of communication, which is something with which I was COMPLETELY satisfied. In fact, I encouraged the lack of communication. I ignored the shit out of him--never responded to his Likes, haven't looked at his Facebook in over 2 years, etc.
Normally when so much time has gone by without speaking, one would think you'd start out a conversation with something like, "Hi, long time no talk. How have you been?" That's how I would start out a conversation with someone I haven't spoken to in years, but not this guy. I didn't get a "Hi." I didn't get a "Hey what's up?" I got a "baaaayyyyyybbbbbyyyyyy."
What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?!
I wanted to say something snarky with just enough sass that I didn't come off as still angry at him lest he get an idea in his head that I pine for him. I wanted to come off classy, witty and end up with the upper hand. Unfortunately, the only response I could muster was physical; my bowels twisted and turned and my head began to ache. Shortly after, my boyfriend picked me up and I escaped my apartment, leaving the IM unanswered.
Why would he do that? The last time he tried to IM me a couple of years ago, it was because he was visiting the area and just "figured [he] would say hi." My guess is he wanted me to ask him to come see me, but instead, I told him to bring an umbrella because it was raining lol. (Later, one of my friends told me she thought it was probably because he wanted to use me as a booty call, which, in hindsight, it might have been.)
God damn.
So why now? Did he just break up with a girlfriend and feel nostalgic about the time he and I shared? Did he have such a low opinion of me that he imagined I still had feelings for him after all this time and that I'd be there to boost his ego for him? Or was he going to start a conversation with me, so he could remind himself about how much he disliked our conversations and promptly ignore me just like the old days? Is he coming back to the area and trying to sweet talk me because he needs a warm body with a fine ass keeping a bed warm for him? Did he accidentally hit my name and IM me by mistake? Either way, I feel like an apology is in order.
If you don't have anything nice to say, how about not IMing me?
Normally when so much time has gone by without speaking, one would think you'd start out a conversation with something like, "Hi, long time no talk. How have you been?" That's how I would start out a conversation with someone I haven't spoken to in years, but not this guy. I didn't get a "Hi." I didn't get a "Hey what's up?" I got a "baaaayyyyyybbbbbyyyyyy."
What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?!
I wanted to say something snarky with just enough sass that I didn't come off as still angry at him lest he get an idea in his head that I pine for him. I wanted to come off classy, witty and end up with the upper hand. Unfortunately, the only response I could muster was physical; my bowels twisted and turned and my head began to ache. Shortly after, my boyfriend picked me up and I escaped my apartment, leaving the IM unanswered.
Why would he do that? The last time he tried to IM me a couple of years ago, it was because he was visiting the area and just "figured [he] would say hi." My guess is he wanted me to ask him to come see me, but instead, I told him to bring an umbrella because it was raining lol. (Later, one of my friends told me she thought it was probably because he wanted to use me as a booty call, which, in hindsight, it might have been.)
God damn.
So why now? Did he just break up with a girlfriend and feel nostalgic about the time he and I shared? Did he have such a low opinion of me that he imagined I still had feelings for him after all this time and that I'd be there to boost his ego for him? Or was he going to start a conversation with me, so he could remind himself about how much he disliked our conversations and promptly ignore me just like the old days? Is he coming back to the area and trying to sweet talk me because he needs a warm body with a fine ass keeping a bed warm for him? Did he accidentally hit my name and IM me by mistake? Either way, I feel like an apology is in order.
If you don't have anything nice to say, how about not IMing me?
June 7, 2011
March 11, 2011
If you don't have anything nice to say...make something up?
Today I got a friend request from a girl I went to school with back in the day. I was in one class with her and really liked her, but I was shy so I never tried to be her friend outside of class. I was kind of excited that she'd sent me a request after all these years, but then I saw she had another reason for friending me--her mother was my grade school teacher and she was trying to get former students to give quotes on how great a teacher she was so she could incorporate it into a retirement card she was making her. It sounds like a great idea, right? So what's the problem?
I don't have fond memories of being her mother's student.
The memories I have of that school year include being reprimanded because I didn't know the rules of kickball (no one had ever taught me--including her!), being told my little sister had a big mouth, and having a gold star sticker peeled off my little score card because she'd made an error in calculating my score in a game (it wasn't like I had a wrong answer or anything--the game was based on chance). I was kind of afraid to be in her class. It was so bad that when word got around that she would be teaching the grade above us the following year, my mom was going to request that I didn't get her for my teacher.
God, I feel so terrible for feeling this way since her daughter seems like such a sweet person and years later, her mother would talk to me and was very nice. In her defense, she may have been going through a divorce at the time. I can imagine it must've been hard to go through that and teach a bunch of little kids. I know that I was a favorite student of hers and that it would mean a lot to her to see a quote from me on her card. I just don't know what to say.
I don't have fond memories of being her mother's student.
The memories I have of that school year include being reprimanded because I didn't know the rules of kickball (no one had ever taught me--including her!), being told my little sister had a big mouth, and having a gold star sticker peeled off my little score card because she'd made an error in calculating my score in a game (it wasn't like I had a wrong answer or anything--the game was based on chance). I was kind of afraid to be in her class. It was so bad that when word got around that she would be teaching the grade above us the following year, my mom was going to request that I didn't get her for my teacher.
God, I feel so terrible for feeling this way since her daughter seems like such a sweet person and years later, her mother would talk to me and was very nice. In her defense, she may have been going through a divorce at the time. I can imagine it must've been hard to go through that and teach a bunch of little kids. I know that I was a favorite student of hers and that it would mean a lot to her to see a quote from me on her card. I just don't know what to say.
February 5, 2011
Within the span of a week, my uncle and sweet little Angel have passed. My uncle is no longer handicapped and my birdy baby is flying with a flock of new friends. I'm not sure I believe in a heaven for myself, but I sure as hell believe in one for everyone I love. The thing I can't get out of my mind is that during the Mass for my uncle, the priest mentioned that my aunt had baptized him on his deathbed. Even though he'd been to church with the family, he never was baptized, but when he knew he was approaching the end, he requested it. I can't imagine what my aunt must have been going through when she baptized him, knowing what it represented. Saying she is a very strong woman is an understatement. She amazes me.
I hate even mentioning the next life issue since nothing is so permanent and heartbreaking as death--any other problem seems minuscule. It's just that my friend/roommate just gave me her 30-day notice on Tuesday while I was out of town for my uncle's services and then for work. I have until the beginning of March to find a new place to live. The housing search is slow-going, but I'm just going to have to try harder for a new place. I hid a St. Anthony prayer card a la my nana. Nothing yet, but something's gotta come up.
So that's what's been going on in my life. Talk to you later.
I hate even mentioning the next life issue since nothing is so permanent and heartbreaking as death--any other problem seems minuscule. It's just that my friend/roommate just gave me her 30-day notice on Tuesday while I was out of town for my uncle's services and then for work. I have until the beginning of March to find a new place to live. The housing search is slow-going, but I'm just going to have to try harder for a new place. I hid a St. Anthony prayer card a la my nana. Nothing yet, but something's gotta come up.
So that's what's been going on in my life. Talk to you later.
January 29, 2011
Well, that didn't work
The agent gave me the lease for the place I wanted and line #35 was a warning about hazardous materials being on the premises. When I asked what they were or where these materials were, he said he'd ask the owner, but basically my answer was, "They are not required by law to disclose that information." Then the pet agreement I had to sign basically said I would have to get a $1mil insurance policy for my two little birdies. When I asked them to waive it because it was excessive, the owner agreed it was excessive and said people usually got $300,000 policies for their pets and that that price would be OK. The only pet insurance I could find was for dogs and cats--NONE for birds. And then the largest sum of money they'd pay out is $700 for a $20/mo plan. I can't even imagine how much per month it would be for a $300k plan. No way was I going to sign off on either of those.
(Needless to say?) I did not accept the place. Luckily the agent was very understanding and actually waived the $50 fee that I should've had to have paid because they offered the place and I declined. Now I'm looking harder and probably going to move to the city. I don't know who's going to find a place first, my roommate & her bf or me. It's pretty stressful.
Also, my poor uncle just passed away after having been sick for years. I can't spend money to fly down there for the services since moving is going to cost several thousands of dollars, so I have to drive 7.5 hours with my family down to southern CA. My mom's stressed out and I'm getting mad because of the way everything's being handled re: the family. It's like my mom was surprised that my sister and I wanted to go. Like she expected us not to care enough to go down since we didn't live down there to know our uncle as well as we could have. I mean, she was happy/glad that we wanted to go, but it makes me wonder what all the other family will think. Both my sister and I were second-guessing our decision to go. Whenever we go down there to visit, our cousins and aunts are great and we all get along fine. I do sense a tension(?) though since my sister and I were brought up in a different area from the one they all grew up in. They bonded and grew up with each other and we didn't get to bond with many of them until we were older. I just don't want to be teary-eyed at the services and have my extended family think it's fake or something since I didn't know him as well as they did.
Just because you don't know someone well doesn't mean you can't feel sad and care that they're gone. It also doesn't mean that it doesn't break your heart to know that your family members have lost multiple immediate family members and that it's going to be painful to have to cope with another loss.
God, I really hope this "unwelcomeness" vibe we're getting is just in our heads, that it's just because she's stressed and overwhelmed and not dealing with her emotions. My sister and I really, really do care about our extended family and the last thing we'd want to do at a time like this is to appear like we're there because we thought we had to be.
It's time for bed now. Then more housing hunting tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. Good night.
(Needless to say?) I did not accept the place. Luckily the agent was very understanding and actually waived the $50 fee that I should've had to have paid because they offered the place and I declined. Now I'm looking harder and probably going to move to the city. I don't know who's going to find a place first, my roommate & her bf or me. It's pretty stressful.
Also, my poor uncle just passed away after having been sick for years. I can't spend money to fly down there for the services since moving is going to cost several thousands of dollars, so I have to drive 7.5 hours with my family down to southern CA. My mom's stressed out and I'm getting mad because of the way everything's being handled re: the family. It's like my mom was surprised that my sister and I wanted to go. Like she expected us not to care enough to go down since we didn't live down there to know our uncle as well as we could have. I mean, she was happy/glad that we wanted to go, but it makes me wonder what all the other family will think. Both my sister and I were second-guessing our decision to go. Whenever we go down there to visit, our cousins and aunts are great and we all get along fine. I do sense a tension(?) though since my sister and I were brought up in a different area from the one they all grew up in. They bonded and grew up with each other and we didn't get to bond with many of them until we were older. I just don't want to be teary-eyed at the services and have my extended family think it's fake or something since I didn't know him as well as they did.
Just because you don't know someone well doesn't mean you can't feel sad and care that they're gone. It also doesn't mean that it doesn't break your heart to know that your family members have lost multiple immediate family members and that it's going to be painful to have to cope with another loss.
God, I really hope this "unwelcomeness" vibe we're getting is just in our heads, that it's just because she's stressed and overwhelmed and not dealing with her emotions. My sister and I really, really do care about our extended family and the last thing we'd want to do at a time like this is to appear like we're there because we thought we had to be.
It's time for bed now. Then more housing hunting tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. Good night.
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